Sex work is still branded as a taboo topic, perpetuating the stigma against those in the industry. With the growth of OnlyFans, we are seeing more and more people getting into this line of work. This then begs the question, what does this platform do to the sex industry and the communities within it? Giving us a view inside the world of OnlyFans is licensed attorney turned sex worker, Jazmen Jafar. Jazmen breaks down her experience on OnlyFans, beginning with how she navigated her double life as a lawyer and sex worker and going from law student with no social media presence to growing a following in OnlyFans. She talks about the misconceptions surrounding those on the platform, the differences between influencers and sex workers, posting explicit content on social media versus Reddit, and content creation between OnlyFans and Pornhub. Speaking to those who are considering starting their OnlyFans, Jazmen shares some tips on how to grow a following, monetize your work, and promote your account. She also weighs in on some of the potential consequences of doing sex work along with the benefits she saw of OnlyFans, especially when it comes to putting boundaries and building parasocial relationships. As Jazmen finds her footing in the sex industry, she also reflects on how her current work showed her the value of free speech and self-expression. She discusses the issues of body shame and what inclusivity and diversity look like in OnlyFans, and addresses preconceived notions about sexuality. She also gets into feminist debates on sex work, why some men get angry about OnlyFans and the toxic world within the Red pill manosphere. Moreover, Jazmen shares how she navigated the reactions from her family, what it taught her about the difference between opinion and judgment, and how she is creating an impact on Middle Eastern Culture. Bringing so much wisdom about a world not many understand, Jazmen helps us evolve our views about sex work and those in the industry. Tune in to this great conversation to open your eyes.
Listen to the podcast here
Inside OnlyFans: Success, Secrets, And Sex Work Activism With Jazmen Jafar
This episode is something I don’t think I’ve ever covered before, so I’m extra excited whenever there’s something brand new. That novelty sparks my curiosity and drives me to feel excited about doing this. I’m sitting with Jazmen who I’ve had the pleasure of chatting with. We have so much to explore now. This conversation is going to center around her experience as a sex worker on OnlyFans and her history of working in the legal field as a lawyer. I don’t even know yet if you ever fully made it to that. That’s something we’re going to get to, but she did graduate from law school.
She has an incredibly impressive academic background including Psychology and has a personal passion for mental health, specifically focusing on stigma, controversy, supporting women, feminism, body shaming, and self-love. I don’t know if we’re going to get to all of these things, but they will be themes throughout this conversation.
These are things that I’m passionate about and interested in too. Jazmen, as I was saying before we started the interview, I would love to begin by hearing your definition of what sex work is. That may be twofold. It could be a general definition of sex work and then your personal definition of what that means for you as a sex worker.
First of all, I’m very excited to be here. I’m excited to delve into all these topics. I have always been passionate about psychology. Before I went into law, I either was going to get my PhD in Psych or get a juris doctor and be a lawyer. Psychology has such a close place in my heart, so I’m excited to talk about that. Sex work, the basic definition that I would say is the umbrella term is anyone who works in the sex industry and makes a profit off that. This can be many things, and it’s a spectrum. It can go from people who are working the streets as we know or providing in-person sexual services or escorting. It could be dancers or strippers. It could be anyone in the mainstream porn industry.
Now, with platforms like OnlyFans becoming so popular, it can involve people who do sex work through OnlyFans. It’s branded as everyday regular people that want to showcase their sexuality online for a profit. It’s this big umbrella term and there’s a little bit of infighting in the community as to whether are you a real sex worker if all you’re doing is you’re a barista and then you come home and you take pictures in lingerie and put it online.
I would say yes, but it is important to note that the experience of sex workers will be different. You will get pretty much everything under the sun depending on what area of sex work you’re in and the dangers associated with that specific area. There are girls on OnlyFans who love it, and there are girls on OnlyFans who hate it. There’s no one common experience of a sex worker, but I do think there are a lot of things a lot of us share in common with each other.
That’s one of the reasons that I feel like the community of sex workers that you find a lot of times online because especially when you’re doing online sex work, it’s not like we go to an office. We’re all online in different parts of the world, but sometimes it feels like the whole world is against us so we have forums and threads. We’re always willing to help each other and nobody knows what it’s like except for us. It’s been a great part of this to see that community and focus on growing and building it.
I’m grateful that you’re talking about this and sharing that with me and the readers because I have never done sex work. As I told you, Jazmen, I don’t think I know anybody closely at least that does sex work. Maybe they do it. Who knows? It’s possible that there are people in my life that have never disclosed that to me because it feels like a risky thing as you are interested in the taboo of it, the controversy, and the judgments.
It’s something that some people might want to hide from others, but they’re doing it because they enjoy it or they’re doing it because there are so many financial benefits, which is a part of your story. One fact that I was fascinated by was when you were able to make this transition, what was it? Were you making three times the amount on OnlyFans as you were as a lawyer?
I am a licensed attorney. I know we didn’t clarify that before, but I am licensed and I did work at a firm. I was doing this double life, which was interesting. I had taken the bar and passed, but I was waiting to be technically licensed. During that time, my annual salary was $75,000, and then it was going to go up when I officially got licensed, and I did. I then quit a few months later. I was already making $40,000 to $50,000 a month from OnlyFans versus $75,000 a year. By the time I started working at a firm, I was already making way more on OnlyFans than I probably could make. Sometimes, I’d have to be a partner to even start making that much.
It’s hard not to be very curious about OnlyFans when you hear these numbers. I wouldn’t say I’ve ever seriously considered it, but I’ve heard stories like yours of people having huge financial success. As someone who works independently for myself doing content, there have been moments when I wondered what would look like for me to do OnlyFans. I’m not saying that I will, but I will admit that I’m curious about it.
Jazmen, you and I were talking about the behind-the-scenes experience. This feels like a good time to get into that on the show. How did you figure it out essentially? Not only the transition and deciding to do it. I read it in your bio or something. There’s a story of you stepping out of your bar exam to post on OnlyFans, and it was clicking in your head like, “Do I want to be a lawyer, or do I want to do this?”
It sounds like you were already starting OnlyFans as you were studying law and prepping to get into that career. What was that turning point and how did you get started with it all? How did you get to make this much money? Just to be fully transparent, there are some people that make things like that sound easy, but I’m guessing it wasn’t like you snapped your fingers and all of this happened.
It does take work, and some of it is luck. It’s not a guarantee. I tell girls this all the time because what you said is what pretty much almost every woman says when I tell them my story or when they hear these stories. They all consider it. “What if I started an OnlyFans?” That’s always the first step for all of us before we go through with it. I’m never like, “Do it. You’re going to make all this money,” because that’s not necessarily the case.
A lot of people do it and they don’t end up making this kind of money. It’s not a guarantee. I started mine after I graduated and before I took the bar. It was in the middle. OnlyFans started becoming popular during the pandemic in 2020. I didn’t have one then. I had no social media, which is very rare for anybody in this day and age, especially a Millennial. I didn’t have an Instagram. I didn’t even have a Facebook, nothing.
I had heard about OnlyFans and always thought it was cool, but I never thought I could do it because I don’t even know how to have social media. I had another friend in law school who had started one. She told me she had started one and I thought that was interesting. She was making a little bit of extra money. I asked her. I was like, “Where do you post?” She told me Reddit. I had heard of Reddit, but I wasn’t familiar with the platform at all. However, it was less intimidating to me than TikTok or Instagram. I was like, “Let me start an account and post on Reddit.” I probably watched three YouTube videos on how to start an OnlyFans or how to grow a following on OnlyFans.
I was then like, “Okay.” For me, I wasn’t desperate when I started. This is something that me and my other friend on OnlyFans were talking about. Something about people who started out of desperation to make money right away thinks it’s going to be quick money, it usually doesn’t work out. However, if you start it as how I did where I’m on this path to be a lawyer, whether it works or it won’t work, and if it doesn’t work, whatever.
That was my mindset, so it wasn’t as anxiety-inducing. I’m like, “I’ll post a picture on Reddit and see what happens.” I did and noticed that I was building traction from that. I started making a couple thousand dollars, and I was like, “Oh.” I kept growing and growing that way. Once the money comes flowing, then you’re like, “I’m going to keep doing that. I’m going to keep working on it. I’m going to keep learning.” As I was just saying, there are great forums and creator groups where girls will tell you. They will help you even though it’s competitive.
People say it’s so competitive. It’s so oversaturated. You won’t find more supportive women than women who are doing this. When I was in law school even, you’re graded on a curve. There are people who are going to be very helpful, but there are also people who aren’t going to be very helpful. I’ve noticed in sex work there is such a strong bond between us, which is what we were alluding to. That same friend that I mentioned, me and her were talking. We haven’t even met in person, but we both consider each other best friends.You won't find more supportive women than women who are doing OnlyFans. Click To Tweet
She’s one of those girls who is not talking about this with her other friends. There are a lot of girls like you were saying that do it and you may not know because they’re not comfortable telling you, but they’re comfortable telling other sex workers. We have this bond and experience that we both share and none of her other friends know. I’m pretty open. Everybody that I know knows, but we’ve seen each other naked online. We’ve seen everything. We have this unique experience with each other, and that sisterhood is there.
I learned a lot from other creators. On my first day posting on Reddit, I reached out to a creator and was like, “You have a successful page. How did you do it?” She took the time to write out this whole thing and even promote me for free. Now, I take the time. If I get messages like that, I will always take time out of my day to help other girls too. I would say that is pretty commonplace in this industry, which is great.
That is great because, on YouTube, there were a lot of times when people felt supportive. Social media felt a bit transactional, which seems different from what you’re sharing. There also became a certain point in my content creator work where it felt like people didn’t want to disclose their strategies for example because they didn’t want you to be their competition.
Maybe they would only tell you a little bit or they might be shady. There was drama. This is the reason I moved away from all of that work. It became too much of an emotional burden. Something else you and I have talked about is the comments. Commenting on social media and YouTube can be really tough. You were telling me about the difference between a platform like TikTok and Reddit. I’m pretty ignorant when it comes to Reddit. It’s a tool that I use very lightly, but I don’t understand. I’d love to hear from you what was it about Reddit that helped you grow and how is an audience or comment system different on Reddit versus social media platforms like TikTok?
One major distinction is Reddit is also one of the only platforms along with Twitter that is still allowing explicit content and for OnlyFans to be directly advertised. This may be pulled out from under us at any point. We’re constantly worried about it and we can talk about that too. If you’re a beauty influencer and you’re selling lipstick, you don’t worry about this but we’re constantly deplatformed. We’re constantly banned. We have an entire agenda that is against us from the right where there’s a whole anti-porn stuff going around and people conflating it with child safety and child trafficking in general. We all know what it feels like to get banned. We all know what it feels like to build a platform and have it taken away from us.
We help each other, “Use the VPN. Use this.” We are all willing to share that because, as I said, it feels like sometimes it’s us against the world and we don’t want also to bring that energy into the group itself. This doesn’t mean that there has never been drama between sex workers or that there isn’t any sex worker who has been shady, but we have to trust each other because there are also a lot of agencies and management companies that come to us. They give us these big promises and we don’t know who to trust other than each other.
One of the main differences, to get back to your question between Reddit and these other platforms, is Reddit allows explicit content but in certain subreddits. If you’re looking at this content, you chose to be looking at it. You’re probably horny and you went on a subreddit called r/BustyBrunettes where you’re going to see a bunch of busty brunettes. You’re not likely to be combative to that because you chose to be there and you’re looking at this content.
Whereas on Instagram or TikTok, your algorithm hits whoever. You’re going live on TikTok and a bunch of people are scrolling. Some people come up to your live and they’re like, “I don’t want to see this,” or, “What’s wrong with you?” You’re not going to get as much of that on Reddit. I also feel like Reddit is hailed as this free-speech-friendly platform where people are there to express their views or express whatever.
I think that the people that enjoy Reddit are people who enjoy podcasts versus people who enjoy short-form content. Sometimes you get a different audience. With a platform like Reddit, people are a little bit more interested in dialogue and conversation. They’re not as stuck in their ways as they are on TikTok and Instagram where they’re probably there to see whatever and then they’re like, “You whore.” You’re not going to get as much of that on Reddit.
It reminds me of the closest experience that I’ve had on my YouTube channel that I spent many years working on, which I have since paused. At one point on my banner, I had pictures of me in a bikini, and one of my previous show guests named Melissa Schwartz was an incredible photographer. She has always focused on showing women as these powerful but also sexual beings. I had never done anything like that, but it was empowering to work with her and feel sexy and strong. I felt beautiful.
She created these photos that I was proud of. I put them on YouTube as a banner. I remember this woman writing me and saying, “I came to your channel to learn about vegan living, which was my focus.” She’s like, “I don’t want to see you in a bikini. I don’t want my kids to see you in a bikini.” I’m feeling so taken aback because I’m like, “Why is me in a bikini so offensive?” I wasn’t even posing in a sexy way, but it was the fact that I was showing off my body that bothered her because maybe she was coming for more pure or down-to-earth content that had nothing to do with my body.
There’s a challenge as a content creator which doesn’t seem like you face because you’re a sex worker so your whole world is about your sexuality. Whereas a content creator, you can get rewarded for being sexy. We certainly see with the algorithms people that who show off their bodies and their appearance often get rewarded, but along with that comes a lot of potential for controversy for people to bully and judge you.
I know you’re interested in this Jazmen, that body shame. I felt that a lot. Probably a reason I love podcasting so much is it’s an audio medium. It has nothing to do with my appearance so I don’t have to worry about the pressure to show up with a certain appearance, but I also am not as exposed to people who might criticize my appearance in whatever way they don’t like. I’m wondering. Do you experience that as a sex worker? Do you still have to deal with body shame, or is it because people are expecting you to show off your body that doesn’t happen, or is it somewhere in between?
I wish that people expected us to show off our bodies so we wouldn’t get the backlash, but we do. Being a sex worker is inherently controversial. Your job is already, by nature, controversial. You don’t have to do something for it to be controversial like what you were describing because everything you’re doing is, by default, controversial. You will get people who say, “You’re just showing off your body, and that’s why you have these followers.”Being a sex worker is inherently controversial. Click To Tweet
It is easier to get followers that way, but it’s also a lot easier to get banned that way. A lot of us aren’t even able to keep our followers on a lot of social media platforms. You get probably every comment if you’re only showing off your body in a post or anything. You’re going to get a bunch of feedback that’s directed at your body. There’s nothing else for them to be commenting on other than either the fact that you’re doing something showing off your body or your body itself.
That’s all the comments you get. A lot of creators talk about how they do get negative comments about themselves or their bodies and that it gets to them. I can’t speak on this, but you do see a lot of people who talk about being a sex worker online creator of color and they get certain treatment, or the algorithm doesn’t favor them the way the lighter-skinned ones. If you have a more conventional attractive look, you get favored by the algorithm and you don’t get as much of those negative comments. If you have a little bit more weight on you or you don’t have a body type that’s considered typically attractive, you’re going to deal with that more.
I understand my privilege in this industry in the sense that I do have a stereotypically sexy body. I don’t get a lot of that negativity, but that doesn’t mean I never get it. I had to learn all this TikTok lingo. There’s something called mid which means you’re just average and you’re not all that. I get a billion comments that are like, “Mid,” but that stuff doesn’t bother me. A lot of people get it way worse.
There’s this idea for so long like a narrative that you had to look a particular way to be in the sex work industry. It is like being a porn star, you had to have these huge boobs. I have that look, but a lot of girls that make a killing off this don’t have that look and they’re still doing well, but you’ll get comments like, “Why would anyone pay to see you?” They will deal with stuff like that more so than I will. That’s a thing, and that gets to some people more than others.
I was wondering about that. Given what you’re calling the privilege of the way that you look, maybe it’s not something easy to speak on, but you could certainly see it in other women and sex workers that you know and the struggles that people go through if they don’t fit into a certain box. However, it is weird to me. If we look at dating, most people are able to find a partner in life statistically. I don’t know the numbers.
It means that no matter what you look like, someone’s going to find you attractive. Online, there might even be people who have a particular person that is outside of some conventional appearance that they prefer, and maybe sex workers allow them to access that. It’s because the focus on whatever is conventional, normal, or the majority is not going to appeal to everybody.
In a way, it’s cool like a platform like OnlyFans that allows “the everyday person” to go on and post. You’re going to get much more variety than perhaps the porn industry that’s only hiring people or a majority of people who look a certain way that might exclude others and types of preferences if that makes sense.
That’s a big benefit. It is much like content creation gives people with different types of talent to expose themselves and express themselves in a way that a more traditional industry might exclude them. I’m all for inclusivity. Do you find OnlyFans to be focused on inclusivity and diversity? Do they emphasize that?
The thing with OnlyFans is they’re not the one’s advertising. You have to advertise, but I will say that it is one of the reasons OnlyFans is as popular as it is. That’s why you see a wide variety of girls on OnlyFans that do well. I was going to mention Reddit. Reddit works by posting in different subreddits, and there are subreddits for everything like r/Chubby, r/Skinny, r/Over40, r/Between18And21, r/BigBoobs, r/SmallBoobs, r/Stretchmarks, r/SaggyTits, and so on.
Any type of way you look like emo girls or whatever it is, there are all different types of looks and aesthetics that people are attracted to. A lot of your success on Reddit is based on posting in subreddits that fit what you look like or what you provide. Sometimes there are fetish-friendly content creators who are interested in certain fetish themselves and they bring that to their followers or fans.
You get this personalized experience on OnlyFans that you don’t get. I’m sure on porn, you can search for what you want, but with OnlyFans, you can be like, “I like redheads.” You’ll go to the subreddit that has a lot of creators that are redheads and you can find what you like. One of the things that make OnlyFans so popular is men like to see real women.
They don’t always want to see this airbrushed with the oil, the lighting, and everything. It is a lot of the stuff that we ourselves are like, “I have stretch marks. My boobs are not all the way up here,” or whatever. You post on these subreddits and there are people or men who are like, “No. I want this. I want to see specifically women that have a mom bod.” r/MomBod is a big subreddit on Reddit.
You’re absolutely right that you get a wide range of creators on here. Again, as I said, if you’re posting on TikTok and it’s hitting everybody, and it’s hitting a bunch of 18-year-old or 19-year-old people who are like, “Ew,” that’s what I was talking about, but that doesn’t mean that you’re not successful on the platform because you are no matter what you look like. There are people that are successful across a bunch of ranges.
Part of what fascinates me about this all is the fact that people are paying for this, which is something that I don’t have that perspective on because, as a content creator, the way that I’ve monetized has mostly been through advertising sponsorship from brands and affiliate marketing. There has been some direct exchange between an audience, fans, etc., but not in the way it seems like OnlyFans works.
I’m curious going back to what you’re saying about Reddit and the strategy. You started by posting a picture there. I would love to know. You’re posting a free picture on Reddit, and then how does that convert to them paying for things? You said when you started off making a few thousand dollars, where does that come from? Does that come from them giving you money on OnlyFans, or is there a way to pay on Reddit too?
There are multiple ways to do this. I ran a premium Snapchat that you could pay to get on, and you could get my Cash App information through Reddit, but you have your OnlyFans link. You post one picture on Reddit, and then you get a bunch of pictures if you subscribe to OnlyFans. You have your OnlyFans page where you have a bunch of stuff on your wall, but then you can make more exclusive content.
If I make a video that’s over five minutes long, that’s now behind a second paywall. The more exclusive content, you can sell for more. Sometimes people want a custom video. I thought the same thing. I was like, “Why are so many people paying for OnlyFans?” It was only when I got on it that I realized that they’re getting a relationship with the creator that they don’t get in traditional porn.
It seems more authentic. It’s a real person. You are able to interact with them. I go live once a week on my OnlyFans naked, and I will answer a bunch of questions. A lot of people use it for educational purposes. There was a study that came out that OnlyFans subscribers do feel like their sex lives have improved because they are curious. They come on and ask, “How do you make a woman orgasm?”
Porn gives you one way, and that’s usually not right, or they’re like, “Do you want a 10-inch penis?” I’m like, “No. A lot of women are not looking for that.” You get to answer those questions. You get to have that one-on-one authentic relationship with them. A lot of couples subscribe to me together or a lot of people find me through their partner or their girlfriend.
There’s not like one type of OnlyFans subscriber, and there’s this narrative that is all these lonely men and so on. No. A lot of very healthy people who do very well in the dating world or the dating arena also want to have this kind of experience online with a particular creator. To answer your question, you make money through people tipping, those extra videos, and subscriptions.
When I first started, I was doing more of this, but I still do them. It is just the prices are much higher now. You could do a five-minute video call or sexting sessions. There are so many different things you can offer. Everybody’s looking for something different. Some subscribers want one-on-one talking with you. Some want to see your videos. Some love the livestreams. Everybody’s looking for something different. The more you can provide for people, the more people you’re going to attract that are looking for those different things.
Thank you for outlining it because I’m so ignorant. I am realizing more and more through this conversation how little I don’t know because I’ve never tried it. A couple of questions come up. One is this. Is there a form or a model for using a platform like OnlyFans that doesn’t involve being naked? Do people use it beyond that successfully? I’m sure you could because I think I’ve read in the past that OnlyFans can be a variety of different things. Is it more successful if you’re naked?
What if you did just want to go on there and talk to people openly about sex or talk to them about relationships? Is it that they’re going there to get stimulated by your appearance and the dynamic you create with them, or could you just create a dynamic of openness? It means it can be a place where it’s not censored, unlike the other platforms. Is that what OnlyFans is about not censoring you and your content?
I would say yes. This is one of the benefits of OnlyFans in this model of sex work, which hasn’t been around before. A lot of the things that people point to in the sex work industry to speak down on it, which a lot of these issues are real issues is, “It’s exploitative. The workers aren’t treated well.” With OnlyFans, you take a lot of that out because you’re your own boss. There’s no middleman. Although middlemen do try to come in and make you think you need one, which we can talk about later. You are in full control over what you post. You own the content.You're in full control of what you post on OnlyFans. Click To Tweet
If you want to delete it, you can delete it. It is copyrighted content. If it’s somewhere else on the internet, you can get it taken down. Obviously, it’s the internet. I wouldn’t say you should do it if you expect it to be on the internet, but you do what you’re comfortable doing. I would say like I just said. People are looking for a lot of different kinds of things. A lot of people do come to OnlyFans for sexual gratification. If you’re not providing that, you’re probably not going to do as well, but that doesn’t mean you’re not doing well.
We hear these stories all the time of some people that sell feet pics. Are there any top creators that just sell feet pics? I don’t know unless you are celebrities. A lot of celebrities already have big followings. They post the same stuff they post on Instagram or OnlyFans. Some girls choose to do that. There’s a wide variety of different profiles and different pages. Some people do solo. Some people do topless. Until February 2023, I was a solo creator. Now, I have a partner and we film scenes or clips together. That was new for me.
You have all these terms on OnlyFans. That’s called BG content, Boy-Girl content. GG content is Girl-Girl content. It’s like the OnlyFans lingo, “Do you have BG content and stuff?” It’s generally a very sex-positive platform. One of the reasons so many people turn to it is because they have a certain kink. I would say 90% of the time the way that these people or even the subscribers approach you is so respectful. It’s like, “I was wondering if can I explain to you what I’m into if that’s okay with you, and then you let me know if it works or not.”
It was such a positive experience as we were talking about the difference in the messages that I see on TikTok and Instagram versus OnlyFans. That’s why when people are like, “OnlyFans has a bunch of losers.” A lot of the people on OnlyFans are very well-spoken, well-articulated, and educated. Everything’s properly punctuated. The haters seem not to know how to speak English a lot of the time, but the vast majority of people that subscribe to OnlyFans are very respectful in the way that they speak to sex workers. A lot of them are there to support sex workers.
An aspect of OnlyFans that not a lot of people think about is that it’s one of the most ethical ways to consume explicit content online. OnlyFans has a very strict verification system. We all have to be verified, and if we want to bring anyone else on, they have to send in their ID. They have to do all this paperwork. They have to send in a consent form. We have to tag all the content that they’re in.OnlyFans is one of the most ethical ways to consume explicit content online. Click To Tweet
It’s not something where you’re going to be able to go on a bunch of one-night stands and be able to post your content unless you want to hand paperwork over to your partner after you do the deed. It’s because of that and you know the money is going straight to the creator. All the content on there is content that they want on there. You know it’s not like Pornhub which keeps content from creators who no longer want it there. You may be seeing content that’s non-consensual or underage. You don’t have those issues on OnlyFans. It’s a very ethical way to consume content. A lot of the anti-OnlyFans people miss that it is a big deal.
That makes me wonder why people are so anti-OnlyFans. Why do you think that is? It’s because if I were resistant to OnlyFans at all, it was based on ignorance and maybe feeling a little uncomfortable. It’s hard to even describe where my discomfort is. I think it is ignorance. As a woman, I felt a lot of pressure to figure out, “Am I valued for my personality, my knowledge, my brain, or valued for my appearance?”
That’s been a big battle for my whole life. There’s part of me that wants to feel confident about my appearance and wants to express myself in different ways, but I don’t want to be judged based on that. Sometimes when I’ve seen sexual content or mostly people showing off their bodies, there’s part of me that feels resentful because I’m like, “I don’t want to have to show off my body. They’re getting all this attention and they’re making all this money.”
I don’t know if it’s a jealousy thing or just wanting to be valued beyond my appearance. I suppose that is where any discomfort lies for me personally. However, the more you talk about this, I don’t see anything wrong with someone else doing this. The ethical side of it is such an important factor. From your opinion and experience, why do you think other people have problems with OnlyFans or girls, or even guys? It’s not even a gender issue. Why do you think people have issues with anyone celebrating their appearance and their sexuality and using platforms like OnlyFans to monetize that?
I would say there’s a difference a lot of the time between why women might not like it and why men might not like it. There’s a whole feminist debate about whether sex work is good or bad. I’m interested in this. You get to the anti-sex work feminists who are like, “No, this brings us back in time. It’s subjectification. We’re still being sexualized.”
You then get the pro-sex work feminist, which I would fall into that’s like, “No, this is us taking the power of our sexuality.” It is this idea of you, which a lot of these anti-sex work feminists do, it’s like, “We’re not even blaming the women that do it. They don’t know any better. A lot of people do it as a last resort. We should focus on other ways for women to be able to prosper in society without using their bodies.”
Whereas the pro-sex work side is, “No. Women can make those decisions for themselves and sex work is work.” If a woman wants to do this and it’s making them happy, to me it’s like, “Who are you to tell me that no I should go be a lawyer and be less happy?” It’s because you’re telling me that it’s better for me. It’s this very paternalistic idea. With OnlyFans in particular, it’s brought in a lot of women who otherwise wouldn’t get into sex work.
Like me, for instance, I probably wouldn’t get into sex work if there wasn’t a model like OnlyFans. It’s brought in your local barista, your lawyer, and your CPA. A lot of people are doing OnlyFans. It’s hitting a lot of that culture war we’re dealing with now of people being oversexualized. From the male side, you see a lot of, “You can’t even find a good woman anymore. They’re all whores on OnlyFans.”
A lot of them are upset with OnlyFans, which they weren’t upset with porn because now we’re profiting off of it and they feel entitled. They’re like, “I shouldn’t have to pay to see you naked. Porn is free. You should be free to see naked too.” We’re over here like, “No, we are going to make a profit off this.” It’s even jealousy from the male side because you will see a lot of people where I’ll be on, and they’re like, “Women have it so hard. We have to have real jobs. Women these days can take their clothes off and make all this money.”
You see that. For anyone that has a moral opposition to sex work or people who maybe have religious beliefs that make them feel like their body is not to be shown to the world, having so many women on OnlyFans and being confronted with that makes them want to push back and talk about their beliefs which then makes us. We hit this culture war that we’re experiencing in the nation in general, but especially in online communities, you do get like the red pill manosphere.
I don’t know how much you know about them, where specifically, they’re focused on OnlyFans and how they have this idea that all women go for the top 20% of men which leaves a bunch of men at the bottom. There are these advancements that women have and they’re able to get online and make all this money. It’s benefiting us and it’s hurting them.
This power that women now have and how they’re using it threatens them. There are a lot of different reasons why people have issues with OnlyFans. For some people, it could come be coming from a good spot. They’re like, “These young girls are doing it. They don’t know how it may impact them in the future or they don’t understand the consequences of this type of work.” You see a wide spectrum of reasons people have either some hesitation when it comes to OnlyFans or just outright hatred for it and the women that do it.
Thank you for speaking on that. It’s not something that I’m well-versed in probably because I feel pretty liberal about it. Also, I am willing to address my internalized judgments around this. That’s part of why I love having these conversations. It gives me an opportunity to reflect on where I’m rigid and where I have biases and realize those aren’t serving me and they’re not serving other people.
People do think through the consequences, which is a word I’m not even sure I want to use. What do consequences even mean? What are the consequences of using OnlyFans? Have you had to face any of them, Jazmen? Would you say since you’ve been doing this for the last few years, you’ve had a lot of benefits, but have you had to face hardships beyond trolls and haters?
I haven’t, but I would put myself on the very privileged end of the sex work spectrum both in my success and in my ability to be able to combat. A lot of people throw a lot of these narratives at us. “You must not have anything else you can do. You must be stupid.” It takes two seconds to hear my story and know my background to know that I could have done anything. It wasn’t a last resort for me. It was a first resort. I always say that.
One thing you said that I forgot to touch on was that you are being praised for your appearance, but that doesn’t mean that you can’t show your multifaceted human being. That is also what does well on OnlyFans. If you look at the top creators on OnlyFans, they are Twitch streamers. Some of them are podcasters. They’re people who show their personalities online in other ways and also show themselves in a sexual light.
That sometimes is hard for people. I have gotten so many messages because I’ll go live and talk about philosophy and objective morality, and then I’ll go straight after and do a sexual live on OnlyFans. I have subscribers that are like, “It was hard at first for me to make that switch because I hear you talk or I watch your videos, and I’m like, ‘She’s so smart,’ or whatever, and it’s hard for me to then see you sexually.” I’m like, “Why?” If you’re even dating somebody, there are times when you see them in a sexual light and you’re thinking about them in that way, and then you can have a conversation twenty minutes later about politics in the economy.
They’re like, “Yes.” I could be online completely naked, and you may have these preconceived notions about what that means. “She’s stupid. This is all she’s good at, and so on.” You then can hear me talk and you can see that I’m a cool person to be around. I get that all the time. “Your personality’s pretty cool.” The more you’re exposed to that, the less novel it will seem.
That’s one of the great benefits of OnlyFans that I try to do or the mission I have with my platform is to show people. As I said, I want to get into social and political commentary. I could be talking about a serious topic, and two clicks later, you can see me in a sexual context and feel super horny and turned on, and that’s okay. What’s wrong with that? Why can’t I be seen in both lights? The truth is that I can. A lot of times, it goes against our biases and the stereotypes that we have about this kind of work.
Maybe that is part of where it can advance the feminist agenda. It’s like not putting women in these boxes. For someone like myself, I’ve always been a very sexual person, but I’ve never felt comfortable talking about that publicly. However, privately with my friends, if I’m around other open-minded women or men, generally, I feel a little bit more comfortable talking about these things with women at this stage in my life.
If they’re talking about their sexuality openly, it’s so exciting for me because it feels like a rare opportunity. In my dating history too, I do want men to know that I’m smart and I’m not a pushover. I can be successful and all that. Men sometimes seem, maybe not directly in my experience, but there’s also this idea that as a woman, you can’t be too successful or too financially successful because that’s intimidating to men.
Men might not want to date you if you’re too successful or you’re too smart, which is such a bizarre old way of thinking to me. It may be patriarchal. Don’t be too much. You want the man to feel in power and control and you can’t be equals essentially is what that says. I’m a huge advocate for equality. I don’t want a man or a person, in general, to see me as intelligent and successful, but there’s that side of me that has felt pretty suppressed in life of sexuality because I love sex.
I’m curious about it like, but it’s something I feel like I generally only get to experience in private and it’s such a small percentage of my life for that reason. Talking to you, it’s so cool that sexuality is a huge part of your life and you’re open and connected with other people. That’s special and rare I think these days.
A lot of that is because this is what that fear of the manosphere always says like, “Nobody’s going to want to date you if you’re on OnlyFans. Nobody wants to date a woman who is not feminine and submissive.” I will say my dating life has not changed at all since I’ve been on OnlyFans. There are billions of people on this planet. We don’t all have the same values. While there are men who feel that way, there are plenty of men who don’t.
Even online, I have so many subscribers that are true allies to women, sex workers, and even in person. A lot of people are like, “Get your money or whatever.” They still see you as smart. All those other things that you want to be, you can still be. There is the idea that, “Nobody’s going to want to date.” OnlyFans women are not struggling to find dates. You guys seem to be struggling. The people that are saying this seem to be the ones struggling. We’re not. The world is changing, and sex work is becoming more normalized. This OnlyFans world is becoming more normalized.The world is changing and sex work is becoming more normalized. Click To Tweet
A lot of men sit there and they’re like, “I would do it.” That’s something I would hear all the time. They’re like, “Are you kidding me? If somebody was going to pay me that much, I would do it.” They don’t see it as immoral or something that is a common thing you get, “You lack self-respect.” What does self-respect mean?
When someone tells you that you lack self-respect, what they mean is, “I don’t respect you so you shouldn’t respect you,” which isn’t what self-respect is. People who see self-respect are people who live in accordance with their values and stand up for other people, people who are kind. That’s what self-respect is. Self-respect to me is doing what’s best for me, despite your opinion, which you are telling me without me asking.Self-respect is doing what's best for me without your opinion. Click To Tweet
There are plenty of people and men who agree with this message. When you hear these men be like, “No, men don’t like this. Men don’t like that,” those are usually the insecure men that have poor critical thinking skills that we don’t want to date anyway. I’m not lacking in options. “I’m not deterring enough with my behavior. Let me know what I can do to deter more men so that I can have a more manageable dating pool because now it’s flooded and I sometimes suffer from the paradox of choice. Let me know.” That’s what I always say.
I love the confidence and the reality check in that. That’s something else I was curious about, which is on social media and even in traditional media, in the celebrity world, there’s this concept of a parasocial relationship. It is this one-sided thing where somebody is engaging with you and they think they know you because you’re giving them some attention. I’m curious about what that’s like on OnlyFans.
It’s because that’s part if I were to consider joining, I would wonder how to manage that because even in my world as a content creator, I’ll get nervous. “Is somebody going to figure out where I live and come stalk me?” Luckily, as far as I know, that’s never happened, but I worry sometimes because I’m a very open person and I probably share a lot of details.
I’ve been trying to be more private, but it’s scary sometimes about the possibility that something negative may happen in person. The other side of it, too, is sometimes through connections with people, they might think that they’re your friend. I’m curious. Do you experience that? Do people ever think like you’re their girlfriend? How do you manage if you have hundreds or thousands of people that you’re in some relationship with?
It is a big topic for me on OnlyFans, and the key is boundaries. I am very good at putting strict boundaries and I have no interest in making money through pretending that those boundaries aren’t. A lot of girls in OnlyFans offer a girlfriend experience. There are ways you can do that that are very clear and put forth like, “This is just an experience and so on. It’s totally fine.” I don’t even offer that because I don’t even like those lines to get blurred. A common thing that happens on OnlyFans, especially when girls are fairly successful like in the percentage I am, is it’s a lot of work.
They hire chatters or they have an agency that hires chatters where people will go in and speak to your fans on your behalf and create those relationships. I don’t find that ethical. A lot of times, they make money by manipulating these people’s emotions. Sometimes it’s making them think that they’re their friend when they’re not. These men will open up to these women and talk about their personal relationships, personal things they’ve gone through, and what they like sexually.
For people who use this model, it’s unethical to be trying to manipulate people in order to get as much money as possible. I made it a point that I don’t do that. If I’m live or if some people watch my videos and they’re like, “I saw this article,” and they send me the article, I’ll talk about the article, but I make it very clear. Even if someone says, “Are you single?” I say, “Yes, but this isn’t a dating app.” That’s literally my answer.
I’m like, “I’m not here to date you guys. That doesn’t mean I don’t care about you guys, but I’m a content creator. I want to engage with you guys when I can, but that’s all this relationship is. We’re not friends. We’re not more than friends.” I have those super strict boundaries put in place both to protect myself and to make sure I enjoy my experience there. Also, it’s unethical for creators to blur those lines and make people think that it’s more than what it is because their feelings matter too.
I just had an experience where a girl contacts me. She’s in a contract with an agency that is doing that and making men think that she’s going to marry them and stuff. She’s like, “I don’t like this. I don’t want them to do that.” We talked about how she can get out of it. Before we started recording, I said there’s a responsibility that creators have to their fans just as much as there’s a responsibility that fans have to the creator. Part of that is on both sides, which is boundaries and making those boundaries very clear.There's a responsibility that creators have to their fans. Click To Tweet
That’s how I avoid it. There are some who don’t respect those boundaries, which is honestly not common. A lot of times, if you have those boundaries in place, you attract the kind of subscribers that would respect them, but if for any reason they don’t, you can restrict the account. They can’t message you. They leave. You can do that. For me, I don’t deal with that a lot because I don’t even let it get there, to be honest.
My message is if you want to buy content or if you have a question, that’s what that’s for, even if you ask me how my day was. I wish I had time to tell everybody how my day is, but I don’t. I hope your day is well and going well. My day’s going well. I’m glad you’re here, but we’re not having long-winded conversations about our lives where I’m making you think that we are friends.
It’s impressive the way you think through all of this and you figured out so much in what seems like under a few years. It’s because you mentioned 2020. Has it been a few years since you’ve been on?
It’s been around a few years.
It’s amazing how you’ve been able to develop things like boundaries and strategies and figure out what works well for you. One thing that stood out when you and I were talking before the interview is you said you’re very interested in living a life that’s conducive to your own happiness. That feels like a little easier said than done. It’s amazing because, from my perception, it seems like you’re happy and confident despite acknowledging that there are mental health struggles.
You’ve experienced your share of backlash and expectations. One thing we haven’t talked about is how you come from a strict Middle Eastern Iranian American household and the expectations that your family might have had for you to become that lawyer. Speaking of boundaries, did they know that much about your career, or is there a way that you can maintain boundaries with family, with friends, and with other people in your personal life to protect yourself from any backlash from them or disappointment or shame?
OnlyFans and sex work aren’t for everybody, but it was for me. As you said, I do like to think through everything. When you think through everything and you’re so strong in your beliefs and your convictions, I don’t mind backlash. I invite it almost. I like it because if you leave me a comment like, “Women who do this have no self-respect,” now I can ask you why. I can open up this conversation. Other people can read it and put in their opinion as well.
With my parents, that was very difficult for me because I was so close with my parents and I still am. That was hard, but at the same time, I am so hardheaded and almost confrontational to the point where if anyone wants boundaries, it’s probably them with me. It’s because I will take any opportunity that I can to talk about why sex work is real work and why women shouldn’t be slut-shamed, especially coming from the Middle East, and why there needs to be change in our culture, especially as it pertains to women.Sex work is real work. Click To Tweet
I almost look for opportunities to bring that up. I look for opportunities to start those conversations, especially now that we’ve gotten over the hump where they’re angry with me, but they still don’t like it. Now, it’s just like we don’t talk about it, but if we do talk about it then I’m going to hold my ground. They know better now than to bring up any comment like that.
There are always people who talk about, “How do you address racist comments around the dinner table or whatever?” Everyone in my family knows better than to bring up that kind of stuff with me unless they know that they’re going to get into a conversation and they’re going to get backlash for it me expressing my opinion. I was telling my friend that I love that I embarrass my parents this way.
I love that I embarrass my parents this way because I feel like a lot of parents who come from my background are so obsessed with going places and being like, “My daughter’s a lawyer. My son went to Harvard.” I almost had to humble them. I’m like, “Nope, your daughter is now on OnlyFans, so next time you want to judge, or maybe you can either learn that it might be okay.” I remember one time. My aunt was in the car and she was like, “I can’t believe Kim Kardashian made a sex tape and so on.”
They are on their high horse. I’m like, “Your niece is on OnlyFans now.” Are you going to now go around and be so ashamed by that or maybe you can evolve your view a little bit because you love me? I’m doing the same thing she’s doing and you can have a difference of opinion, but for you to judge so harshly now, especially in our culture where it’s like a collectivist culture where something your kid does can bring shame onto you, not everybody has to be a doctor, lawyer, or engineer. It’s worked because somebody else in the community decided to be non-binary or something. My sister was saying, my mom was telling her mom, “We have to love our kids anyway if she’s non-binary.” I was like, “I did this because my mom would’ve never responded like that before, but now she like has no choice almost.”
What you’re speaking about with me and your interest in speaking about this more often and advocating for these things isn’t only about you. It isn’t just about OnlyFans or sex work. It’s also about opening up minds and reducing or removing stigma and helping us embrace our differences. We need that. In the US and beyond, we struggle a lot as human species of this being pit against each other.
It is the hierarchies that we have, the traditions that have been put in place that we haven’t examined for a long time, and the outdated knowledge or opinions that maybe it’s time we shake things up. That’s exactly what you’re doing. You are creating stability for yourself, which everybody wants. Every human being needs some financial stability to thrive. You are doing that. You’re expressing yourself in an open way, but you’re also using this as a platform to educate others to create more acceptance. It’s incredible to witness.
That is the best part of this. I get messages so often. The messages I get from so many people, especially Middle Eastern people who come from a similar background say, “The way you are so brave in what you’re doing has made me come out to my parents because I’m gay or I’m whatever.” I get messages like that all the time. When people say, “What are you doing to contribute to society and you quit your job as a lawyer?” as a lawyer, I was helping rich people avoid paying taxes and now I’m getting messages every single day telling people that I impacted their lives and I pushed them to live a life conducive to their own happiness, which we talked about. It doesn’t mean OnlyFans.
That might mean coming out as who you are when it comes to your sexuality. That may mean going against the grain and doing something you love versus what society expects you to do. The best part of this is that I have touched already and I hope this is the beginning of touching and inspiring so many people to be happier and not be afraid of what other people think and let other people’s opinions dictate how they live their lives because you’re the only person that’s going to be living your life, so you might as well live it for you.
I certainly think this is just the beginning because this is such a valuable conversation and needed. I have learned so much from you. I’ve turned into a fan myself. Maybe, I’ll go and create an OnlyFans account so I can support you because what you’re doing is so cool.
Just subscribe to my YouTube because I want to be doing a lot of videos like this on YouTube.
You could be a gateway. I’ll do YouTube. I’m also curious to finally explore what OnlyFans means. Until you try something like that, you’re standing on the outside, and from the outside, you can’t understand something. You’ve inspired me to understand OnlyFans more because you’ve opened up my mind to be about so much more. I get very curious about things like this and I want to experience it.
However, with YouTube as well, it’s awesome that you’re exploring outside of there. You’re looking at these other platforms. I hope that YouTube embraces you and all that you have to say because my experience with YouTube can be a challenging platform, but it’s a powerful platform. With your mentality and your experience with boundaries and dealing with people, you’ll be able to fend off or shield yourself from any hate you might come across. It sounds like it’s worth it, Jazmen, because your message needs to be heard. We need people like you to break through these barriers, open up minds, and make people’s hearts stronger.
I had a friend text me, “Can you imagine who you would be if you stayed at your firm and you stopped OnlyFans?” I thought about that, and I was like, “I was never a judgmental person. I was always pretty empathetic, but doing this and going from being a member of one of the most respected professions in society, like being a lawyer to one of the least respected professions in society has made me more of an empathetic person.”
It is somebody that cares more about all marginalized communities now that I am one. It’s made me more of an activist for everybody. None of that would have been true if I was working a traditional 8:00 to 5:00 at my law job meeting, my billables, and sitting behind a desk. I am so happy that I made this decision and that I am able to impact the people that I already impacted and hopefully more. I appreciate your support and you bringing me on. You helping me share my message because I wouldn’t be able to do it if people like you weren’t supporting it or giving me a place to share.
The feeling is somewhat mutual. It’s been an honor chatting with you. I’ve learned so much. I hope that the reader has too. Even if they haven’t, it is being open to spending a few minutes with someone like you that you might have felt uncomfortable with or something. I didn’t feel discomfort, but I’ve seen little bits within myself open up more through speaking with you. I could only hope that if one other person has had a similar experience as me, it was all worth sharing this.
I believe that putting this information out there needs to happen more and more. I’m excited to see what’s next for you and who else you talk to. I know you’re gearing up to do more YouTube, more interviews, and more public speaking. It does feel like the beginning. I can’t wait to see where it goes from here, Jazmen, and what you’ll do with the next two years and beyond.
Thank you. I appreciate this type of setting where we can dive into these topics for over an hour versus that sound-bite type of content that we were talking about. What you’re doing is so important to be able to hear people’s full message instead of only a part of it. Thank you.
That’s well said. That’s exactly what my aim is. It’s not always that I have a guest on the show that gets that, embraces that, and wants that. That’s also made this such a great alignment, Jazmen. For the reader, if you’re eager to learn more like I am, YouTube seems like the place that Jazmen wants people to go to next after this episode. Not necessarily OnlyFans if they’re not ready for it.
If you want to, if that’s your thing, I’d be happy to have you, but if you go to JazmenJafar.me, that will have everything. I have YouTube. My Instagram is where I’ll start posting a lot of conversations like this that I’m having so you can listen to other podcasts I do including this one. I have a Twitch that I go on once a week with my fans, and we talk about all kinds of things. We are going to talk about gun reform and just random stuff. If you’re interested in having conversations like that, I would love to have you there as well. Wherever you feel like you’re interested in seeing more.
Listen to my podcast on YouTube because I’m not tech-savvy enough. I love YouTube. I was listening to one before I came on here. You should start putting it on YouTube because there is a large percentage of people that are like me who are not cool enough to be using the other podcast spaces. With YouTube, you can get either snippet or you can get the whole episode. You can then go onto something else completely random. YouTube has it all, which is a good market for this as well.
You’re absolutely right, and thank you for that inspiration. I needed a break because, as I alluded to, YouTube has been a tricky platform for me over the years and I got a bit burnt out, but you’ve inspired me to push beyond that and get the show back on track. There is a YouTube channel for the show, but it’s pretty far behind. One of these days, I’ll get to your upload, Jazmen. I’m looking forward to seeing what you do on YouTube in that time too.
To be continued. Thanks again for being here. Thanks to the reader, and I’ll be back with another episode next time. If you’re interested in another potentially uncomfortable but always aiming for an eye-opening, honest conversation, I would love to have you part of that then. Until then, I am wishing you all the very best with your journey to expand your consciousness, embrace differences, and be more inclusive as Jazmen is pushing to lead that happier life that’s in alignment with your values no matter what anyone else says. That’s it for now.
- Jazmen Jafar
- Melissa Schwartz – Past Episode
- YouTube – Jazmen Jafar
- Instagram – Jazmen Jafar
- Twitch – Jazmen Jafar
- YouTube – This Might Get Uncomfortable Podcast
About Jazmen Jafar
Jazmen Jafar is a former lawyer and is now in the Top 0.03% on Onlyfans. Jazmen thought she had her whole life mapped out; she grew up in a strict Middle Eastern, Iranian-American household, and to her parents’ delight, she graduated college with a 4.0 GPA and proceeded to get a full-ride scholarship to Law School. And then, Jazmen stepped out of her bar exam to post on Onlyfans. It quickly became apparent to Jazmen that Onlyfans not only made her happy but was also making her exceptionally more money. While following the path of law meant traditional and safe stability, she decided to take the risk and began Onlyfans full-time. Jazmen now makes three times the money she made as a lawyer.
Love the show? Subscribe, rate, review, and share!
Join the This Might Get Uncomfortable community today: