MGU 403 | Not Force Things

 

“Our media rarely shows people setting limits, asking for help, or devoting their lives to the things that make them feel happy and safe.” – Author Devon Price

You don’t need to force things for them to go your way. But knowing when to stop trying to force things is one of the most difficult skills to learn. In this episode, Whitney Lauritsen shares her personal experience of being too self-aware and self-controlling to the point of mental, emotional, and physical exhaustion. She recalls feeling this pulsation of sadness and how that eventually led her to value listening to her body and finding self-acceptance. Full of controversial opinions, heavy realizations, and inspiring perspectives, this episode will teach you the healthier ways to treat yourself and how to master the art of stopping to force things.

Listen to the podcast here


 

The Art Of Not Trying To Force Things

I’m doing this episode on the final weekend of November. It’s Saturday, November 26, 2022. Yesterday was Black Friday, and the day before was Thanksgiving. I was going to do this episode on Wednesday. Wednesday was interesting. It felt like a Friday to me because it was the day before this national holiday. I completely lost focus and energy. I thought, “I deserve to not do any work for the rest of the day because who else is working at this point?” I had my final work-related thing. I had an episode I recorded with a guest. I felt like it was important to give myself permission, but I also forgot to record the show.

I was lying in bed feeling completely drained from Thanksgiving and trying to give myself permission to lay around to do nothing. All of a sudden, it hit me, “I haven’t recorded this week’s show.” I felt this sense of dread and frustration like, “Why did I do this to myself? If I had recorded the episode on Wednesday like I was supposed to, then I could rest.” I was having trouble resting on a day when most people in the United States at least are not working. That can sometimes feel frustrating about the way my life is set up.

The downside of working for yourself of making your own hours is that you might work on a day when other people aren’t working. Plenty of people work on those holidays in various fields. It’s not like you’re the only one, but sometimes it can feel that way. I was trying to push myself to record, but I was having a low-mood day. It’s one of the lowest I’ve had in a while. One thing I’ve been trying to do is track my mood, energy, and various health metrics through this app called Bearable, which you can have a free version of it. There’s a paid version of it. I use the free version. I enjoy it.

The way it’s set up works well for me and my brain. It’s very detailed and it’s cool. I’m not sponsored by them. It’s funny how it feels like as a content creator you should disclose when you’re sponsored, as well as when you’re not sponsored. If you speak too highly about something, you want to help people understand, “I’m not saying this because I was paid.” I don’t have any relationship with Bearable, at least not yet.

I track my mood so much. It made me incredibly self-aware of how I’m feeling and what might have caused it. That day, I couldn’t figure out what was going on. I wondered if it had something to do with my female menstrual cycle. It’s possible that that’s what it was because it came on in this unexpected way. It’s like this wave. It felt confusing. I felt like sad. I remember thinking to myself, “I don’t think I’m feeling depressed,” but I feel like what I used to think depression was before I started studying and talking to other people about it. Is this the word that people use when they say they’re depressed?

I didn’t feel anxious. I felt very low energy and I felt these pulsations of sadness. Maybe that’s what I’ll use for the name of this episode. I’ve released over 400 episodes. It’s hard to write titles. I’m like, “What am I going to call this one? What am I even going to talk about?” This is part of what I was feeling once I had this wave of panic. Recording on a Saturday is late. This episode is supposed to come out on a Monday of the following week. I’m late to get this to the editor, which means I risk this episode not coming out on time.

I’m feeling all this panic, pressure and stress. It’s having to do something important but not having the mental fortitude to do it. I had decided to wait it out. I let that pulsation of sadness come through me, feel and notice them, but not trying to fix them, bypass them, and work through them. That has been such a big theme in my life. It is not trying to force things.

It’s hard because there’s so much pressure. The more I understand capitalism, the more I wonder, “Is it just a capitalistic pressure of convincing us that our worthiness is based on our productivity?” It is a subject matter covered a number of times. Our previous guest was Celeste Headlee who wrote Do Nothing. I’ve talked about Devon Price, an author who I admire for writing books Laziness Does Not Exist and Unmasking Autism. There’s much crossover between them.

MGU 403 | Not Force Things

Do Nothing: How to Break Away from Overworking, Overdoing, and Underliving by Celeste Hedlee

At the very beginning of Laziness Does Not Exist, Devon Price says, “Doing everything society has taught us we have to do if we want to be virtuous and deserving of respect.” That was a big thing for me and for a lot of people. Somewhere further down in my notes, there’s a whole section of this that hit home. I want to read a bunch of quotes from this book because I want to share them with you, but I also want to hear them out loud.

The next quote I have in my highlights is, “Most of us spend the majority of our days feeling tired, overwhelmed, and disappointed in ourselves. Certainly, we’ve come up short. No matter how much we’ve accomplished or how hard we’ve worked, we’ve never felt like we’ve done enough to feel satisfied or at peace.” It’s interesting reading that out loud. I wouldn’t say II fully agree with that because most days, I don’t feel tired, overwhelmed and disappointed in myself.

Through tracking my mood and my energy every day for the last two months, most of that is motivated by me trying to figure out my sleep issues because Bearable also has a sleep-tracking function in it. Because everything is there, it’s easy to track these other things. I don’t generally feel tired. That day, I did. I wondered, “Am I tired because I’m socially burnt out from Thanksgiving and the socializing?” I went to an extended family member’s home that was about two hours away from me. There were eighteen of us in total, which is unusual for me. I don’t usually spend that much time in the same space with that many people for extended periods of time.

It felt like something I was ready to do, and that felt good. Because I’d been learning so much about neurodivergence, I was able to tune into myself. I brought something to fiddle with. I might have brought a rock or a couple of stones that I’ll put in my pocket so I can fiddle around with it. One thing I’ve been wanting to get is on my list for a Christmas gift. I haven’t bought one yet, but they make these acupressure rings. I like to bring at least one thing to fiddle with. It helps me when I’m feeling overwhelmed or overstimulated.

I also brought my Loop earplugs. I got them right before I went to Costa Rica. I’ve been wearing them off and on. I haven’t quite figured out how to use them properly, meaning the pair that I got is the Experience Pro. They’re the higher-end version which is not that expensive. I think these are $35. They combine an acoustic channel filter and membrane to reduce noise without distorting it. Maybe I didn’t rip by the right pair, but they come with all these different adjustments that you can put in them. I don’t fully know how to use them.

I’m trying to figure out how I’m feeling. I went to the Los Angeles Auto Show, which is the ninth time in a row. I’ve been every year except for 2020. I brought my earplugs with me there to see like, “Do I feel overstimulated?” I don’t think I did, but that’s part of what’s tricky. It’s going to tie back around to the big themes here about not trying to force things. I also don’t want to force myself to put in earplugs because I don’t know if that’s what I needed. It’s just like I am with food. For those that don’t know, I have intense food sensitivities and maybe even allergies. I’m going to see an allergist to check and do another round of allergy testing because my food challenges have become frustrating.

MGU 403 | Not Force Things

Not Force Things: Most of us spend most of our days feeling tired, overwhelmed, and disappointed in ourselves. Certain we’ve come up short, no matter how much we’ve accomplished or how hard we’ve worked, we never feel like we’ve done enough to feel satisfied or at peace.

 

Part of them is that I’ll eat something and won’t know until a day or two later that that thing disrupted my body. My symptoms come up and it’s so much. It’s another thing for me to track. I’m trying to pay attention to how I feel about certain foods. It’s a lot, that constantly paying attention to yourself. Self-awareness is important, but it can also be incredibly draining. Sometimes I just want o to be. I don’t want to over-analyze. I don’t want to bring all this stuff with me constantly. It’s tricky.

For me, the neurodivergence side of all of this makes it especially complicated because I wonder how much of my life I’ve gone without accommodations because I didn’t even know I needed them. When I read books like Laziness Does Not Exist, I wonder how much of this is capitalism and societal pressure. How much of this is neurodivergence versus neurotypical? All of these things to figure out feels so much. When I’m talking about feeling tired, there’s a difference between physical tiredness and emotional tiredness

MGU 403 | Not Force Things

Laziness Does Not Exist

In terms of feeling overwhelmed, I feel overwhelmed quite a lot. I feel a good amount of overstimulation, although I’m working on being more aware of that. When Devon Price said, “Disappointed in ourselves,” that’s something I don’t feel that much. I don’t think I’ve come up short, but a lot of people feel that way. That’s why it felt important to share that. What I do struggle with a lot is when I’m trying not to force things. I’m trying to allow myself to be. It’s scary because I wonder if my pure natural unforced state is considered good enough.

I know on some deep level that it is. I know that I am inherently worthy. I spend so much time understanding that. It makes complete sense on a logical level. My deeper fear is that other people don’t perceive me to be good enough. This might be what’s contributing to what I was feeling, that low mood. I wonder, is that because I socialized the day before? Probably. Was the socializing overstimulating? Probably. Was it that I was acutely aware of how other people were perceiving me, especially other women? Men, I generally feel at ease with.

It’s interesting to think about when I was younger, even before I started feeling attracted to men or thinking about sexuality, I remember taking pride in boys wanting to play with me at the playground. In hindsight, is that because I was a girl? Were they attracted to me? Did we just get along? I felt like I got along with guys. I’m someone that generally has male friends. The gender dynamics are tricky and it feels complex.

At this party on Thanksgiving, I found myself feeling insecure about my appearance. One is that I still feel insecure about my gray hair coming in, even though I’m trying to embrace it and not trying to force it. It feels like society in general does not accept women with gray hair. There was even an incident in which a female news anchor was fired or got in trouble for letting her gray hair come through. I could go on and on about gray hair. It’s bizarre like, “Who cares? Why do we care much?” There’s so much pressure to not show your age, and yet none of us can help it.

None of us can prevent ourselves from aging. We’re always aging. Our entire lives were aging, and yet our society has this obsession with hiding our age and rewarding people that look young. It’s strange. It drives me nuts because I don’t want to hide that masking. I wonder if this is all tied together and if I am repelled by masking. Maybe that’s because I’m tired of wearing a mask, trying to people please, and that forcing feeling.

There's so much pressure not to show your age, and yet none of us can help it. None of us can prevent ourselves from aging. Click To Tweet

It’s terrifying because it doesn’t feel as simple as just not forcing it or removing the mask and not trying hard because people are constantly being rewarded for trying hard. This came up oddly enough in this post I saw on TikTok. It was a news anchor. She was talking about aging celebrities and how she felt like certain older women like 50 and up were being celebrated for how good they looked at their age. She was saying how these women, it’s their job to look good. The media is pushing this idea of like, “Look how good you could look at age 50,” or whatever they are. That’s not fair because, for the average person, it’s not our job to look good or is it? That’s part of the conversation.

This is probably why it’s hard for me. I spent all those years as a social media influencer. Maybe I’m still considered one because I’m a content creator. I don’t align with the term influencer, but as a podcaster, certainly, I’m influencing in some way or another. That’s how this works. Is it my job to look good? I don’t think so. I don’t want it to be my job to look good because I don’t enjoy forcing myself to look good. You might not be looking at me because I’m behind in posting my YouTube videos. Even then, with that, am I resisting posting the YouTube videos because I don’t like the way I look in most of my recordings? This goes back to the Thanksgiving thing.

When I sit down to record an episode, I do not want to go and spend any more than a minute getting ready. I generally will check my hair. My hair is almost always tied back in a ponytail or up in a bun and a messy one. Usually, not brushed. I haven’t washed my hair in at least a few days. It might be a little greasy. I get a little self-conscious about my gray hair. I get a little self-conscious around my face. I’ve been struggling with my body weight. I feel inflamed, puffy or something. My face shape, I feel like I can barely even look in the mirror. I don’t want to look at pictures of myself. I feel self-conscious and terrified that people are judging me because my face shape looks different.

I don’t even know if my face shape looks different. I don’t like the way it looks. I also don’t want to spend 5, 10, 15 or 20 minutes trying to manipulate the way my face looks. It feels pretend. That is a mask. I’ll have makeup around to use a few times a year. I’m not anti-makeup. I don’t want to fake my appearance. It doesn’t align with me. My energy and time feel so precious. That time and energy I put towards putting on a mask to try to make sure that I’m physically pleasing to the eye are unpleasant to me.

Going back to the Thanksgiving party, interestingly enough, I’m often concerned with how other women perceive me. People have pointed out how that is filtered through the male gaze, which is women feeling all this pressure to uphold a beauty standard. When I’m around other women who are wearing makeup, doing their hair, and wearing nice clothing, I feel uncomfortable because I generally don’t want to do those things. I’m constantly wondering, “Are they noticing my gray hairs? Are they noticing the natural wrinkles on my face? Do they notice that I am either heavier or inflamed? Do they see my body?” I don’t even know. Am I uncomfortable with my body because of what they think or what I think?” They’re interconnected.

It feels confusing. Was that why I was tired on Friday because I spent hours thinking about my appearance at this party? I was with extended family and with people that are supposed to love and appreciate me as I am. I don’t even know if any of them had any of these thoughts about me. There’s no way of knowing. Even if they said something, which I don’t recall them doing, sometimes people say things that they don’t even mean. I spent all of that mental energy thinking about what I was wearing and how my hair looked. I also got up early. I had to leave for Thanksgiving super early in the morning. I had to get up an hour and a half before then.

I took a shower, blow-dried my hair, put on makeup, and picked out two different outfits. One, to be comfortable but still look good, and one to look nice for the dinner in case everybody was dressed up. I can’t stand all this stuff, but yet I care enough to do it. I wonder, “Was that one big mask, and yet the mask still didn’t feel good enough? Is that what causes me, or maybe yourself too, some of this exhaustion and overwhelm that many of us feel?

Going back to Laziness Does Not Exist, Devon Price says, “Through all the burnout stress-related illnesses and sleep-deprived weeks we endure, we remained convinced that having limitations makes us lazy, and that laziness is always a bad thing.” This goes back to that TikTok video and the news anchor saying that the celebrities that “look good for their age,” that’s their job to look good. They have the money, resources, etc., to look that good, and the average person does not.

It’s not fair to say, “Look how great so and so is.” In the comment section of that TikTok video, there was this one woman that I follow. I started following her because she has fully gray hair and she owns it. She’s one of those women with the perfect shade of gray. Her hair is all styled. She’s wearing cool clothes. She seems cool and confident. I’m thinking to myself, “That’s why I’m going to grow out my gray hair. I want to look like that.” I probably will never look like that or at least not regularly because I’m not going to style my hair even when it goes fully gray. I never had style in my hair. What’s going to change? Will I start styling my hair because I feel self-conscious that I have to try to prove it? Will styling my hair become a mask? Will I start wearing different clothes as a mask?

That woman commented on something that bothered me. It was something about people not putting in the work. It reminded me of that Kim Kardashian quote you might have heard of, “Nobody wants to work these days.” Kim Kardashian’s buying into this laziness lies as Devon Price says. This woman who I don’t even remember her name on TikTok, the gray-haired woman who I thought was empowering, no longer feels that way to me because she was buying into the laziness lie of, “You have to be willing to do the work if you want to look like these celebrities.”

I thought, “Really? You’re going to say? This news anchor is trying to point out how we can’t idolize these celebrities without realizing how different they are from us.” We fall into the comparison trap. It’s not that we’re lazy or we don’t want to do the work. What if it is that we don’t want to do the work? Like me, I don’t want to do the work. That doesn’t make me lazy. That means I don’t want to do those things and that’s okay. I shouldn’t be punished because I don’t want to style my hair, dye my hair or get botox right now. I don’t want to do crazy things to lose weight. Even though I’m uncomfortable with my body, I’m trying to accept my body as it is and break my old pattern, which would be to restrict my eating.

Something else that got pointed out to me is once you have an eating disorder, you’re in recovery for life. It’s a lot like an addiction. I don’t know if that’s scientifically true. I think this was a woman with her experience of an eating disorder. That hit home because for as long as I can remember, I had some sort of disorder relationship with food. I’m realizing more how common that is and how common that is for my knee-jerk reaction to be, “I feel uncomfortable with my body. I guess it’s time to lose weight.”

What I’m experimenting with is not doing that because losing weight and controlling my body also feels like a mask. I shouldn’t be trying to force my body to lose weight. What if I can just enjoy food? What if I can accept the discomfort? This might get uncomfortable. I do feel uncomfortable in my body a lot of times. This episode was an exception. I’m wearing this new used shirt. I got it from a secondhand store that I like. I love the color of it and the feeling of the fabric. I love the way it fits on my body. I’m wearing my favorite pants, which I bought brand new because I was feeling “lazy,” but just exhausted and yet knew I needed some new pants.

I went to the mall in Massachusetts and said, “I’m not going to even bother trying to find secondhand clothes. I’m going to go buy them new because that feels easier for me.” I felt good. That’s unusual for me from an environmental standpoint. Financially, buying new is so much more in alignment with those two sides of me. I decided that spending the money was worth the lower amount of time and energy it took to buy new. I got these pants that I’m obsessed with. They’re from the brand Athleta. I hesitate because I don’t even know if that’s a fully ethical company.

What sucks about buying new from big brands is thinking, “I’m participating in the capitalistic stuff that I feel against in many ways.” It’s hard to avoid. It’s hard to be perfectly in alignment all the time when you’re also trying to balance your mental health. For me, my mental health benefited from buying new because not only did I save time and energy compared to trying to go find the perfect pair of pants secondhand, but also I love these pants so much that I feel confident when I wear them.

They’re comfortable. I think they look cool. They fit me perfectly. They have pockets. I want to go buy another pair of them. I love them that much. It’s a lot to reflect on. I’m going to read a few more quotes from Laziness Does Not Exist. There are a lot of things in here that I don’t fully identify with anymore. For example, “Feeling guilty for not using my time in more productive ways.” I don’t think I feel that because I’ve been working hard on not feeling that.

MGU 403 | Not Force Things

How to Keep House While Drowning A Gentle Approach to Cleaning and Organizing by Casey Davis

However, there are many points in the book about how working hard and doing a lot was how you ensure yourself a bright future. This came up also in Celeste’s work in the book Do Nothing, which opened my eyes to everything here. There’s a lot of correlation. There’s also another great book on this same note that’s worth mentioning called How to Keep House While Drowning: A Gentle Approach to Cleaning and Organizing by Kc Davis. It’s a phenomenal read. If you’re feeling overwhelmed and unproductive and feeling guilty and pressured, especially when it comes to tidying your home, that book is a must-read. There’s much that overlaps between all of them.

Devon Price said, “It was time to re-enter the world and find a new way to live that wouldn’t destroy my body the way my old life did.” That’s exactly what I’ve been talking about most in this episode. I’m trying to re-enter, especially now that I’m in this unmasking process. I’m trying to find that new way to live. I don’t want my body to suffer in the way that I have so much. Many people relate to this. Devon says, “When we feel unmotivated, directionless or ‘lazy,’ it’s because our bodies and minds are screaming for some peace and quiet. When we learn to listen to those persistent feelings of tiredness and to honor them, we can finally begin to heal.”

It’s time to reenter the world and find a new way to live that wouldn't destroy our bodies the way our old lives did. Click To Tweet

That’s what I did. Even though it was tough for me because I did feel some of that judgment and pressure, I didn’t want to wait for today. I knew that if I recorded my episode now, it would be late, but I’m willing for something to be late. That’s part of honoring myself because if I had pushed through what I was feeling to do something for somebody else’s timeline, that’s pushing me in the other direction.

Devon says, “We can cease tying our self-image to how many items we check off our to-do list. It’s not evil to have limitations and to need breaks. Feeling tired or unmotivated is not a threat to our self-worth. Tired and burnt-out people aren’t struggling with some shameful evil inner laziness. Rather, they’re struggling to survive in an overly demanding workaholic culture that rates people for having basic needs.” It’s big. There’s so much in here.

There’s a lot about our high standards, whether or not those come from our culture, society, all this messaging or the media. Our culture has convinced us that success requires nothing more than willpower. Pushing ourselves to the point of collapse is morally superior to taking it easy. We’ve been taught that any limitation is a sign of laziness and therefore undeserving of love or comfort. This is the laziness lie. It’s all around us, making us judgmental, stressed, and overextended, all while convincing us that we’re doing too little. The laziness lie is a belief system that says hard work is morally superior to relaxation, and that people who aren’t productive have less innate value than production people.

Many of us live in a constant state of stress about our financial and professional future, which means feeling a ton of anxiety about how much we’re working. We’ve had to trade our health for our financial or professional well-being. Choosing between getting adequate time for rest, exercise, socializing, and logging enough hours to get by. The only way to overcome our selfish sluggish instincts is to never listen to our bodies.

The rise of social media and digital work tools has only made these pressures harder to escape. We’re inundated with stories that praise diligence and individualism. Some of the most popular celebrities promote the idea of themselves as “self-made entrepreneurs” rather than extremely privileged and fortunate tycoons. Their obscene levels of wealth are always attributed to their effort, not good luck. Social media has democratized who gets to be famous and successful to an extent. When massively successful stars attribute their good fortune entirely to how diligently they’ve worked, they set people up to have unrealistic expectations about the odds of success.

MGU 403 | Not Force Things

Not Force Things: Social media has democratized who gets to be famous and successful to an extent.

 

Our media has a selection bias built into it. We rarely get to hear from the people who worked equally hard but failed or lost everything because of it. Bo Burnham describes this phenomenon very well. He says, “Don’t take advice from guys like me who’ve to go very lucky.” Taylor Swift is telling you to follow your dreams just like a lottery winner saying, “Liquidize your assets, buy Powerball tickets. It works.” Our media rarely shows people setting limits, asking for help or devoting their lives to the things that make them feel happy and safe.

That’s exactly why I talk about this. I am setting limits for myself. I’m not afraid to ask for help. I’ve talked about how incredibly helpful it was to study well-being so that I could become a well-being coach and give help to people like yourself. It’s been incredibly helpful to start working with a therapist who’s brought me so much in a few months of doing that work together and looking for help with the guests that I bring on the show and in other elements of the medical system. I’m in such a big stage of that.

I’ve gone to the doctor more in the last few years than I have probably in my entire life. It’s mostly because I’m starting to ask for help and say, “I’m having sleep problems. I’m not going to ignore these. I might need an allergy test because I don’t get what’s going on with my food issues.” I’m digging deeper into it I hope that gives at least a few people the insight that this is not a self-made thing. It’s such the opposite. I hope that I never accidentally call myself self-made because it’s not true. Even having you, my audience, contributes to making it. Without you, it would be meaningless. I enjoy talking to myself to an extent because I have to. That’s the way podcasting works. Without you, it wouldn’t be quite the same.

I’m trying now to devote my life to things that make me feel happy and safe. I love the word safe. It becomes important to me and recognizing what doesn’t make me feel happy or safe. Sometimes it’s a fine line because I don’t feel happy dyeing my hair, yet I feel uncomfortable with the fact that I have gray hair because I’m afraid of what other people perceive me as. I’m still trying to figure it out. I don’t feel happy restricting my food because I already have food restrictions. My food sensitivities make it hard enough. I don’t want to restrict everything and be on some crazy diet all the time.

I want to rephrase that. I’m trying to use the word crazy less because from a mental health standpoint, it’s very offensive. I’m trying to raise my self-awareness about the words that I use, whether they should or crazy. It’s a process. When I say crazy diet, what I mean is an overly restrictive diet. I’ve done it. I wrote a whole cookbook on the vegan keto diet, which is maybe not as restrictive as something like the Fruitarian way of eating. I found abundance in that. I don’t even see keto as that restrictive. It’s hard for me. I’m not eating keto and I keep thinking about it.

When I feel extra drawn to keto, I think about how my body looked when I was on a strict keto diet and how I’ve naturally moved away from it. That to me is showing that it’s not the right fit. If it was the right fit, I probably wouldn’t have moved away from it. Now I’m trying to lean into what foods make me feel happy and safe. Potatoes are one of those things. I’m not a huge sugar and carb lover. Some people are very prideful in loving carbs. I would not say that I’m one of them. I find rice comforting, but I don’t need it all the time and I love rice. I do enjoy having it. It felt a little bit sad to me when I was on strict keto and was not eating rice ever. It’s the same thing with potatoes. I love potatoes.

“Our media rarely shows people setting limits, asking for help, or devoting their lives to the things that make them feel happy and safe.” Click To Tweet

It’s finding that balance to feel that happiness and safety, and being transparent about it. On this show, my commitment to you is going back to this line. Our media rarely shows people setting limits, asking for help or devoting their lives to the things that make them feel happy and safe. That’s tying back into why I don’t want to force things. Even the devotion might even be too strong of a word, it’s okay to pulse through it all. Just like I was pulsing through the sadness, it’s okay to pulse through the happiness and safety. There are plenty of times when I don’t feel happy or safe. I didn’t feel safe on Thanksgiving, but that was likely in my own head. I have safety and trust issues, and fears about how people perceive me. I did feel happiness around those people at the same time. Sometimes it’s in conflict. That’s all part of this discomfort, embracing that, and sharing it along the way. That’s where I am now.

Thank you for being part of this journey. I appreciate your presence. I’ll be back with a special guest. You are in for such a treat if the next episode is the one with Heidi Hazen. It’s one of my favorite guest episodes. I hesitate to say that because I record with many amazing people. Heidi and I were on some level, mostly me admiring her. She’s fascinating. I found her comforting. I was in that element of happiness and safety with her. It ties into this episode. Stick around for that episode. Subscribe to the show or check back in. I’m wishing you all the very best with your journey toward finding happiness and safety, and doing that on your own terms. Bye for now.

 

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