MGU 124 | Temporal Nature Of Emotion

 

Are you feeling anxious, angry, triggered? Take comfort in the knowledge that all emotions, good or bad, are of temporal nature and they would soon leave us as easily as they came if we learn how to honor their presence. Join Jason Wrobel and Whitney Lauritsen in another uncomfortable conversation where they share their thoughts on the temporal nature of emotion, suffering amnesia, what we can learn from Chadwick Boseman’s death, travel anxiety and more topics. They also answer some pretty interesting questions from their community. Do you want to know if matcha can make you poop or why cats react to butt scratch? As weird as it may sound, you may have come to the right place.

Listen to the podcast here:


 

The Temporal Nature Of Emotion, Suffering Amnesia, Travel Anxiety And Unexpected Experiences

If you have read some of our episodes, you likely know that I’m planning a cross country road trip in the middle of a pandemic. We talked about my decisions to do this in previous episodes. If you’re curious about that process of taking a risk during this time, traveling by car versus plane, spending time with family, trying to see friends while physically distancing, and all of those other variables, you can read about that journey in another episode. You can also go back a few episodes. You’ll easily find it because it should have a reference to road tripping.

We’re going to continue that conversation. At least one more episode because there’s a lot to discuss about this especially the before and after. You’re reading this about a week after I returned from my trip. It’s interesting because by the time you read this, I’ll be in such a different place mentally and that’s fascinating to reflect on. I wanted to spend this episode or at least part of it because sometimes we never know exactly where things are going to go with our show. I wanted to dive into the psychological side of planning anything and the lessons that you can learn about yourself through the process.

The first thing that I want to bring up, Whitney, and not to put you on the spot but the title of this show is This Might Get Uncomfortable. I’m going to go there because we never know. On this show, dear reader, if it’s your first time or your 124th time joining us, thank you for being with us. Whitney, you had called me on your way to the Tesla dealership to get your car inspected, which I talk about getting into dad mode and being your best friend that I think that’s a phenomenal idea. I love how many steps and precautionary measures you are taking to be as prepared as possible.

You mentioned about feeling some anxiety and I was talking to you about what you thought the source of that anxiety could be. Was it a fear that something might go wrong or that you’ve done all of this planning, all this organizing, all of this disaster prevention measures? That’s something the shit might end up hitting the fan anyway. I’m curious about what your emotional state is with all of this now and how you’re feeling. Being a few days away, what’s going on for you? Since that discussion, have you been able to meditate a little bit on that anxiety you were feeling?

It has been a roller coaster and that’s part of what I want to discuss. Thank you for suggesting that, Jason. It certainly isn’t anything that I feel uncomfortable talking about, although it isn’t uncomfortable emotion. We were supposed to record this episode and I had reached out to Jason and said, “I’m not sure that I’m feeling that for recording. I’m feeling a lot of anxiety.” That happens to us a lot. Sometimes, we don’t even mention it to each other or we don’t mention it during the recording, we grin your teeth and bear it.

Sometimes, we have to push through tough days as any of us do during our work. Even though podcasting might sound easy, it is our job. We have sponsors that pay us so technically it is our job. Even when we don’t get paid directly, this is part of our work, this is our career. It’s always interesting to share that as a content creator because some people think our jobs are easy but they’re not much more easy. Sometimes they’re a lot harder than other jobs that I’ve had. Part of it is working constantly, working when you don’t feel it. There are different sorts of pressures even though it’s nice to make up your own schedule and work from home all the time, and have no boss beside yourself.

All of that also comes with a set of challenges. We have deadlines and we have people like you that read. We don’t want to let you down and be late so we have to get things done. Part of that is with this road trip that I’ll be on for at least ten days of a trip plus preparation a few days prior plus relaxing and decompressing in a few days afterwards. Basically, I’m taking two weeks off to do that trip thus we won’t be blogging. We had to plan how we were going to get these episodes done so we can stay on track with our release schedule which is three times a week. Fortunately, even before this trip came about, we had all of these guests that we’ve done months in advance. You’ll be reading people that we talk to two months before their episode comes out.

A little behind the scenes for you if you didn’t realize this and we always try to be mindful of what we discuss on the show and keep it very timely. The planning side of it is interesting because I have had multiple thoughts about how much work has gone into planning for this trip, how I often get myself into this place where I get very excited about a concept. I dive deep into it and I give it my all. There’ll be some point in that process where I think, “What have I done? Why am I doing this to myself?” I remember thinking that with our launch party for the show. We did a party. What was it a few days after we launched the show, Jason? Was it a few days before or a few days after it was afterwards? It was only a few days after.

We technically launched the very first episode of this show on December 15th, 2019, and then we did the party of few days before Christmas. I believe we did the party on the 21st. The show had technically been out for six days when we did the launch party here in LA.

That was so much work. Talk about anxiety, stress, and having moments of feeling like why am I doing this? Why did I think this was a good idea? How could I have not realized how hard this was going to be? I also remember thinking that when I was planning your surprise party, Jason, the second one. For those of you who haven’t heard us talk about this, we’ve mentioned it at least briefly in some episodes long ago towards the beginning of this show. I have given Jason multiple surprise birthday parties. The one that I did for his 40th birthday took me two weeks of almost nonstop planning. I put everything on hold and I didn’t intend to but I did not realize what I got myself into until I was in it.

It’s the challenges and suffering that test the core of who we really are. Click To Tweet

Suddenly, everything in my life revolved around planning that party for you, Jason, because there were many moving parts. There was so much involved and I didn’t even anticipate the amount of time that was required of me. The funny thing during this trip planning, it’s been that same experience. I keep wondering, how have I not this by now? How is it that I can think of something and predict that it’s going to be easier than it is? Once I’m in it, I realize it wasn’t as easy. I’m like, “Why do I keep forgetting about this?” It’s interesting to think about those elements of life that we forget how challenging things can be even if we’ve done them before.

This is a fascinating thing because I’ve had a tendency to fling myself into situations that I didn’t fully realize the scope or the magnitude of the responsibility, energy, and focus that they would demand. You’re talking about these parties which they were phenomenal. The two surprise parties you threw for me. One was in 2013 and the other one was 2017 when I turned 40. I think about work-related projects or when I had my catering business. This was in 2009, I was doing weddings, festivals, concerts, and things like that.

I remember that there were some clients of mine, Len and Rebecca, who run the Longevity Now Conference and they’re like, “Would you cater our wedding?” I’m like, “Totally. It’s easy.” They’re like, “Would you do our wedding cake? Could you do a raw wedding cake?” I said, “Yes.” I had never made a wedding cake, raw baked or otherwise in my life. I had never attempted anything like that. I remember saying yes and then shitting my pants a little bit like proverbially speaking like, “I said yes to making a wedding cake and I’ve never done it.” Being on that journey to learning how to make a wedding cake was absolutely fascinating, terrifying, humbling, and exhilarating.

These things of when we say yes to things in life whether it’s writing your first book which you and I both know what that’s like. We have a whole episode dedicated to that, dear reader, about how to become a bestselling author, details, and the nitty-gritty of the publishing process. To vibe on what you’re saying, the TV series, the book, book tour, speaking tour, catering business, there’s been a lot of things in life where I’ve flung myself into it. When I was in it and realized the scope and the demand energetically, I was like, “Shit.”

It’s incredibly interesting. The other side of that is wondering how people do things without that much planning. Between me and Jason, I’m the big planner and Jason is the fly by the seat of his pants type. That saves you a lot of time, Jason, but sometimes to myself, how the heck did you get this done without planning for it? Especially during this trip, the amount of time I have spent I haven’t even calculated it. For example, I spent at least six hours with my friend planning on a Zoom session, on the camera sharing our screens talking about all the details. That was one of our planning conversations and sessions. Previous to that, I put in hours in the planning, not to mention the researching, considerations, organizing the stuff that I have, and figuring out what I needed to buy.

On top of all of that, I enlisted the support of a little over twenty brands. There’s a couple that isn’t even on my list. Let’s say 25 brands are supporting me with this project. Meaning, they’re sending me their products to bring along and use during the trip so that I can do media coverage of them which is going to be an episode that we’re going to talk about. The whole experience and everything I learned, I’m going to be writing a blog post, doing social media, and making a video. That’s all going to take a lot of work too. There’s part of me that’s like, “I can’t believe not only am I doing this whole trip but then I have to document it all and make a video.”

That is a huge part of what I’ve been doing for many years but it’s still so much work. This trip is becoming a monster mostly in a delightful way. That was part of the initial question that you were asking, Jason. When I was facing the anxiety, I woke up with it and I felt like, “How am I going to get all this done?” I remember thinking that with our launch party. I’ve had that feeling many times throughout my life and yet, it doesn’t necessarily make it any easier even if we’ve faced something over and over again. We will forget about it when we’re not doing something, we do it, and we think, “I forgot that this was such an obstacle and this would be so hard.” Sometimes it’s easier when you do something again and it’s equally as hard if not even more challenging because there are different variables in the mix. That was a part of what I was feeling. This is also interesting because I feel completely different than I did hours ago.

That’s such an important thing to remind myself and others that most of our emotions are very temporary and they shift. When I started off saying it’s been a roller coaster, that is a common experience for me. I go through waves of highs and lows every single day, not unlike the sense of a mental disorder or something. There are variances in this but a lot of people can relate. We each will go through these moments of feeling happy, sad, anxious, tired, or energized. You’ll have things that happen throughout the day. I had a shocking reminder of not only the highs and lows we can experience in one day but how we never know what’s around the corner from us.

To pivot the conversation for a moment, Jason, because I haven’t even shared this with you yet. One of my close friends sent me a text message sharing that one of her distant family members, not an immediate family member, someone that she was close to committed suicide. She wanted to send me a message to let me know what was going on so that I can support her as a friend but also as a heads up that she’s taking an emergency trip to a different part of the country to be with the family during this incredibly shocking time. I read that message that I never would have seen coming. It’s also interesting because we’ve done an episode about suicide for suicide awareness. I remember saying in that episode that we did that I haven’t had a lot of experiences with suicide in my life.

MGU 124 | Temporal Nature Of Emotion

Temporal Nature Of Emotion: When we get into the other side of tough situations, it’s almost like we have a temporary amnesia and forget what we had survived.

 

To get this text, I had to read it twice because I thought, “Did I misread that? He may be passed away.” Even in this moment, I’m questioning it. It feels so surreal to hear about something like that. It’s not somebody directly but my heart hurts for my friend who has known this person for many years. It’s a family member through her husband. My heart hurts for her husband and for any of their family members involved. I also know this friend is someone who’s extremely cautious around COVID and now she’s made that difficult decision to travel a significant distance to go be with the family during this tragic time. Can you imagine being somebody who doesn’t want to travel and is forced into that situation to make that decision and how conflicting that must feel?

It’s also bringing up gratitude that I’m choosing to travel. I’ve had the time to plan my travel versus somebody who has to make this split-second decision, and how incredibly uncomfortable that would be. It’s an unfortunate reminder that a lot of the things that feel difficult for us are relative. I could have got a message, had to make a split-second decision too, and I’ve had to do that. When my grandparents passed away, it’s really tough because in most cases, you’re going to the funeral or any of the services, be with the family. Having to shift your life around is challenging when it’s short notice. I wanted to bring that up because it was also that reminder of we don’t know what’s around the corner from us. We can have anxiety even when we’ve got it all figured out and we can also have anxiety worrying that something bad might be around the corner like you were saying, Jason.

This time is giving us some hardcore lessons in dealing with complete uncertainty. We’ve talked about it in previous episodes but the ever-changing, ever-evolving, uncertain future that continues to unfold as the present moment, it keeps unfolding. I wanted to share something, Whitney, that helps me when I’m dealing with feelings of depression, anxiety, or getting attached to thoughts and emotions. You know how much I love to bring up my Jasonisms, share quotes, and things like that. When you were talking about how you were feeling hours ago and you feel different now, there’s an amazing Rumi poem that I wanted to read. It’s a short one called The Guest House.

It talks about the temporal nature of emotion and thoughts. It starts by saying, “This being human is a guest house. Every morning a new arrival. A joy, a depression, a meanness, some momentary awareness comes as an unexpected visitor. Welcome and entertain them all. Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows who violently sweep your house empty of its furniture, still, treat each guest honorably. He may be clearing you out for some new delight. The dark thoughts, the shame, the malice, meet them at the door laughing and invite them all in. Be grateful for whoever comes, because each has been sent as a guide from the beyond.”

For me, when we talk about dark thoughts, shame, anxiety, depression, this isn’t to say that reading something like an ancient Sufi poem is going to suddenly alleviate the anxiety or the things we may be struggling with. It helps to remediate a little bit of this amnesia, Whitney, that we’ve been talking about. It’s a strange thing, isn’t it? When we go through challenges, suffering, or situations in life that we’re like, “How the hell am I going to make it through this?” Those moments that test the core of who we are. They test our patients, strength, perseverance, will, and stamina.

Strangely though, it’s difficult, isn’t it? We will not only survive those moments or those situations in life and beyond the other side, “I can’t believe I made it through that.” Then weirdly, when the next situation arrives that’s challenging, painful, or sorrowful, it’s almost that we have temporary amnesia and forget what we had survived and made it through. When you were saying that, each situation has its different variables. I always find it weird when I’m in a new situation like that, that I’m like, “I forgot. I’ve been in a situation that was similar to this and what happened? I made it through. I’m here now and I’m dealing with this.” When I remind myself of what I’ve lived through, it gives me perspective and motivation to continue forward even in moments where I don’t know how I’m going to survive this. Does that resonate at all?

One of the big benefits of awareness is when you’re aware on a regular basis, as much as possible, you’re noticing yourself and how you’re responding and feeling. If you practice meditation or if you do journaling, for example. That can be powerful because not only the practice of journaling keeps you aware and help you tune in, it also allows you to track yourself so that when you’re struggling, you could go back and reference when you’ve dealt with that before as a reminder like, “I’ve survived this before.” Go back and see what your coping choices were and decide if you want to do things the same or you want to try something different. If you start to look at life as an experiment, it allows you to learn and evolve.

It takes off some of the pressure, it makes it more fun and simpler, and it allows you to remind yourself that all of this is temporary. Life is temporary and our individual experiences are temporary. Our lives and other people’s lives are temporary. We don’t know when we’re going to lose somebody. Going back to the road trip as this trip has started to unfold in ways that I never anticipated, it’s reminding me how important it is to see people in person even though it is risky with COVID. If we can find ways to do it safely and there are many ways, even if it’s waving to somebody from the car window. I’ve told some people like, “I’d love to see you so let’s talk about what we can do to make this safe.”

A lot of people would be so grateful to see me from a distance, just to see me wave. I would be grateful to see them from my car window if that felt like the best choice for us. That’s a powerful reminder too and motivation for doing this trip. This trip continues to teach me so much about myself. Every hour, I’m having a new a-ha moment. I’m having something to bring me more joy. I’m having those challenges that allow me to learn, process, and notice. The act of noticing has been incredibly powerful for me because sometimes I realize things about myself that I hadn’t put much focus on before and they’ve been drawn to the surface. For example, things that I get triggered by are very interesting to me.

Through my awareness practices, I can catch myself when I get triggered. Before I react to it externally, I’ll notice my internal reaction or reflect on it and decide how do I want to respond to this. Sometimes, my response is nothing or talking to somebody. I’ve noticed the power of simply speaking to somebody about that trigger is all I need. I don’t need to do anything further whereas when we get triggered, that brings up anger and we might say something that we don’t want to say or we didn’t mean because we’re feeling triggered and angry, it comes out the wrong way.

If you can take that pause and speak about it with somebody else, it can prevent you from doing something that you may later regret or you might take some action that’s not based on how you want to act in general but that’s your knee jerk reaction. One thing I noticed about myself and I had an a-ha moment about it, it was how much energy it’s taking me to put together this trip, the days are all blurring together. That’s interesting to notice too. Every time I notice that it’s blurring together, I try to pause, breathe, and remember what day it is, what time it is, and know that they are all separate days and periods of time. It’s not that my life is one big blur.

Our emotions are like guests in a guesthouse. Good or bad, we make them welcome and entertain them until they leave. Click To Tweet

I was talking to a friend and sharing how I was feeling triggered about communication. It has been challenging for me. I’ve felt triggered when people don’t respond to me. There were a few people in particular but one that I wanted to hear from and I didn’t. I felt so let down. The keyword that I discovered through talking to my friend wasn’t that I felt sad, that was part of but that wasn’t the big part. It was that I felt dismissed. I started to reflect on that and unravel it through speaking with this friend and thinking like, “What does that mean to be dismissed? Why is that bothering me?”

I reflected on how being dismissed makes me feel like I’m not a priority that I’m not supported. I get triggered when I have to do everything on my own and people don’t care about me, which is a big stress for me. I’ve realized that through so much of my life, I’m always anticipating that I’m going to have to do it all on my own. The amount of stress and anxiety that that gives me of always having to work hard, to push myself, and to pick up the slack, not only is that stressful but it causes me to feel things like sadness, resentment, or anger sometimes towards people that I don’t feel like are supporting me or dismissing me.

I don’t know if I would say it’s my ego. Maybe I am, I’ll be honest. I’ve got something to further examine like, “Am I feeling entitled?” Is this like, “Why aren’t you paying attention to me? Why aren’t you responding to me? Why aren’t you supporting me?” That could come across vary in the ego but there’s that deeper root of it could be something insignificant but it’s triggering these old feelings of not being supported. Noticing that about myself is helpful because when I can get to the root of those emotions, it takes away the tension I’m feeling at that moment and helps me realize like, “I need to address this. I should do some more work around this. I need to talk to a therapist or I want to meditate on this. I want to journal on it.” There are things I can do to process it and reveal those sides of myself that haven’t been addressed previously because I haven’t been triggered in that way.

It’s cool that you’re getting specific on what the root or getting at least closer to the root of what it is for you rather than a blanket assessment of, “I’m sad, I’m upset, I’m angry.” You’re getting to a much more specific point of what is creating these emotions for you, which is great. The dismissal part is interesting because you and I, off record, we’ve invited a few people that’ll remain nameless unless it gets brought up with them on this show that after repeated direct communication. When I say direct communication, I don’t mean just email. I mean texting them directly. These are acquaintances, friends, and colleagues of ours in personal development, wellness, health, and mindfulness space. I have brought up to you that I felt incredibly dismissed by some of them.

As a result, I’m feeling triggered and angry. To piggyback on what you were saying, ego does play a role in this because it’s like, “Who are you to ignore me? Don’t you see what I’m doing? What I’m doing has value. This show is amazing. We have all these great readers, all this support, here’s our growth rate, here’s our downloads. Have you even listened? You should listen. It’s amazing.” The ego is very subtle in the sense that it flies in the face of Don Miguel Ruiz and the four agreements. One of those being don’t take things personally and it’s tough. It’s not like, “I read a book and now I’ve got these things integrated into my personal practice.”

It’s a practice for a reason. When we feel dismissed and I love that word choice, it’s so much more accurate than I’m upset, I’m angry at you, I feel dismissed by you. The characterization of that is wonderful but I’ve felt that. In a professional setting related to this show have felted multiple times. At a certain point, it takes work to traverse those emotions of they’re on their trip, I don’t know what they’re going through, who the hell knows what’s happening to them on a personal level, a professional level, financial level, health-wise but that feeling of, why isn’t this person communicating with me? Why aren’t they getting back to me? Do I need to send a homing pigeon? Do I need to send a plane over their house with one of those banners in the sky? Do I need to send a package to their house to get them to respond to me? The mind starts to be like, “Why the hell aren’t they communicating with me?” It’s a challenging thing because we want to feel respected, adored, acknowledged for who we are and the work we’re doing in the world. When we don’t, it can be painful.

On the other end of that, one of those people that I was feeling so dismissed by, I finally heard from them with some great news. They didn’t acknowledge why they didn’t get back to me. They did acknowledge that it was delayed. I can’t remember if I talked about this in an episode but when I was processing this with somebody else, I was very triggered by it. I felt incredibly dismissed and frustrated. Part of that was because I had got my hopes up. There was something on the line for me here in this communication and not hearing from somebody was tough. It reminded me so much of the episode where we’ve talked about ghosting and how ghosting isn’t just about romance. It can be professional or it can be friendships.

It’s tough when you don’t understand why someone stops talking to you and you wonder, did you do something wrong? Is it something you could have controlled? How is that person doing? How long will it be? Will you never hear from them again? That unknown and uncertainty are so uncomfortable. I was not spinning out about it but I was triggered. It bothered me and irritated me. Not in the angry irritation but it’s almost like when you get skin irritation and it bothers you because it’s so uncomfortable like, “I can’t stop thinking about this and why is this constantly on my mind?” It was a huge relief when I finally heard from this person and on top of that, it was great news.

That was also an interesting thing too because what felt like a long period of time for me might not have felt that long for that person. It gave me that perspective of maybe I should get back to somebody a lot faster than I usually would. Maybe I should think about how I’m affected when somebody doesn’t respond to me and turn that around so I can respond to others faster. There is a lot of noticing here within my triggers and my reactions but how I show up in life. Maybe somebody is pissed off at me. I wouldn’t be surprised. There’s got to be lots of people that have experienced that from me and they’re waiting for a response. There’s also that funny thing too.

We mentioned this in an episode or maybe not, Jason, you’ll have to remind me if it sounds familiar. I laughed too because now that I’ve been intentional in responding to people faster. Sometimes they don’t even acknowledge my response. I responded to two people from the same team, they were both trying to get to me and get my attention. I was like, “I’m going to prioritize them. I’m going to do unto others as I want done onto me.” As soon as I responded to them, it’s been crickets.  Granted it’s only been a few hours, but still, there was almost this part of me thinking like, “How dare you not respond to my response? I took the time out for you and now you’re not going to do it to me.”

MGU 124 | Temporal Nature Of Emotion

Temporal Nature Of Emotion: We want to feel acknowledged for who we are in the work we’re doing in the world. And when we don’t, it can be really painful.

 

It’s funny to notice those things. Who knows what they’re even thinking? To your point, Jason, and some great lesson about not taking things personally is that we have no idea what’s going on. In fact, when this came up in another conversation, it was pointed out how you and I haven’t even discussed this, Jason, that actor Chadwick passed away from cancer and the public didn’t know that he was sick. In my head, he’s a thriving actor when he was suffering on his death bed and now has passed away. It’s like, “What?” That was another reminder. We don’t know what’s happening for a lot of people.

If they’re not talking about it publicly or even privately to their friends, can you imagine how much people hide from each other? Sometimes wanting to be private or other times feeling shame or whatever else it is. The amount of communication that can either help somebody or cause somebody to think something that’s not happening. We can make up all these reasons in our heads. Why somebody isn’t communicating with us but we have no idea what’s going on if they’re not telling us.

This is important. To talk about Chadwick Boseman for a second, there was some interesting stuff going around the internet after his death was announced from stage four colon cancer. I wasn’t following Chadwick on social media. I had admired his film work in particular as King T’Challa in Black Panther. I loved that movie and loved the other roles that I’d seen him in. There was an article floating around talking about how cruel people were in questioning his weight loss over the past years. People were like, “Why is he bulking up? Why is he getting skinny again? Now he’s super skinny. Now he’s bulking up.” The whole time, understanding that he was battling his original diagnosis of stage three which progressed to stage four cancer.

It is an important thing for us to be mindful of. As an example, this is by no means anywhere near a cancer battle or cancer diagnosis. I woke up and I realized that the number one most important thing for me now is to take care of my health. That might be a little bit like, “Duh? Jason.” If you’ve been on this show or perhaps you followed Whitney and I with our brand Wellevatr or individually our work over the years in the wellness field, you’d be like, “That’s obvious.” Here’s what I mean by that. There are so much stress and pressure for financial stability, keeping a roof over our heads, putting food on the table, wondering where our next gig or next work is going to come from.

I don’t know anyone in my life who isn’t being challenged or stressed by something with the backdrop of the recession, COVID, and all the things that are happening on planet earth. Every single human I know personally is struggling with something. That’s number one. We don’t know exactly what a stranger is struggling with. The second thing I wanted to say is, and this is unusual for me. I have 34 drafts in my draft folder of my email account. I never have that. I usually have zero drafts. There are 34 people I need to get back to through email. There are days I look at that and go, “I’m a shitty person. There are 34 people I need to get back to.” I think about my priorities. Taking care of my mental health and rehabbing my foot in physical therapy, as an example, the reason I’m sharing this is that’s my number one priority, Whitney. It’s not work, this show, not my music, it’s none of that.

If I don’t manage my physical health, heal my foot, and keep my mental health balanced right now, everything else will fall away as a result of me not taking care of myself. I say all that to reiterate your point of whether it’s a celebrity, it’s a person you don’t know, someone who’s in the public eye, or someone you’re waiting for an email back from. You don’t know what they’re going through. Do I feel the need to apologize to these 34 people? No. I’m going to thank them for their patients. I will do that. I’ll say, “Thanks for your patience and me getting back to you.” I don’t need to explain that I’ve been struggling with mental health or I’ve been in PT for my foot injury but that’s what’s going on. We don’t know. I know that was a long-winded piggyback on the death of Chadwick Boseman but for each one of us, we don’t know what a person is going through. Having patients and compassion goes a long way on both sides.

Sometimes what’s urgent for us is urgent for another person. That’s important as well. In my situation, I felt dismissed in a different way because there was a sense of urgency. I am on a timeline. Not getting a response might as well meant no to me because I needed an answer. I should say I wanted an answer because there were so many variables to that conversation that I was having with this person and I started to let it go. I figured, “Much time has passed. I haven’t received a response. It’s not going to work on my timeline. I have to let it go.” Once I let it go, I got what I wanted. I’m not saying that when you do let something go that that automatically means that you get what you want.

It’s interesting how different it feels versus I wanted it to happen in a different timeframe. I wonder how I would’ve reacted to it if I’d had heard back from this person. It was also that great lesson. I have no idea why, even after hearing from them, they did not explain what took them so long but it doesn’t matter. Now that we’ve had our communication and I got what I needed from it, I’m curious because I wondered, “Maybe if they explained themselves, it would help me in the future.” It’s such a case-by-case basis. I don’t need an explanation from this person because that has nothing to do with communication that I have with others.

It’s not like if they told me, “I was struggling with anxiety and I couldn’t respond.” My heart would have gone out to them and I would have felt a little guilty for some of my reactions but that would have been very specific to that person. Although sometimes, when we hear those vulnerable reasons from people, it helps us have compassion for others but they easily could have forgotten o felt lazy. I was on number 100 out of other emails I needed to send and it was a matter of time. Maybe they need to think things through before they responded to me to make sure that they could say what they needed to convey and make the decision. There are many factors that I’ll never know.

To your point, Jason, it doesn’t serve us when we get frustrated without having all the information. We also have to remember most of the time, even when we think that we have all the information, there are still details that we might not realize because we’re interacting with other human beings who are complex. Most of us don’t share every single thought and reason behind what we’re doing. We could tell somebody a reason but that might not be the truth or the full truth. That’s part of what makes human communications so complicated. There’s a ton of variables. I thought it’d be funny to make a little pivot here, Jason, to go back to something you mentioned in a previous episode. We touched upon very lightly and this is an interesting way to come back to it which is you were talking about how you got constipated when you travel.

Reminding yourself of what you’ve lived through gives you the perspective and motivation to continue forward. Click To Tweet

I mentioned that our sponsor BiOptimizers make something called ConstiCleanse. I haven’t used it yet. I hadn’t researched it much and it came up in my planning conversation. I thought we might as well talk about constipation because part of the way that I plan is I try to think of anything that could go wrong for better or for worse. Sometimes I over plan and then nothing goes wrong. Sometime I under plan and things go wrong that I could have tried to predict, or different things go wrong. That’s part of what I’m trying to learn through this planning process. There’s only so much I can figure out ahead of time. There are many variables and uncertainty here. One of them that I’ve been thinking a lot about is using the bathroom on this trip because I’m going to be camping and I’ve never camped before.

I feel a little ill-equipped. I did mention on another episode that I got these female urination devices for me and my travel companion friend. They are from this brand called the Tinkle Belle. Their branding is cool. There’s a bunch of brands that make devices like this. It reminds me of menstrual cups. There’s a lot to choose from. They’re all the same but different designs, branding, and all of that. It’s a silicone-based device. You use it as a woman so you can stand up and pee. My friend who traveled said that’s going to be a game-changer because she was telling you about all these crazy experiences of having to squat in the woods and look out for people coming because she’s trying to avoid the bathrooms. She’s hiding behind bushes and trees.

Most women can relate to this, unlike men who can whip it out and pee with their pants on. Girls have a different challenge. This device allows you to keep your pants on and pee like a guy would, which is cool. Now that that’s figured out, my next question is, how am I going to do the other form of elimination? What if I’m having digestive discomfort during this trip from what I’m eating? That’s a long-winded introduction to this product I may be using on this trip but I will definitely try at some point called ConstiCleanse by BiOptimizers, our sponsor. This is cool, Jason. As I’ve learned about it, you’ve got to try this on trips too because it helps you when you’re feeling backed up or when you’re not exercising as frequently as I am not going to be.

I’m going to be doing a lot of sitting in the car, which can affect your digestion and eating foods I might not normally eat because I’ll be traveling, looking for convenient things, fast or cheap, all that stuff. It’s hard with my setup to bring a lot of fresh food, unfortunately. During COVID, my options are unlimited going out to restaurants and grocery stores. The ConstiCleanse is an extra-strength digestive cleanse with enzymes you can take that can give you a stronger digestive system. It’s made from tree plant and herb extracts plus those digestive enzymes I mentioned. It will help promote the bowel movements that you might be struggling with if you’re feeling backed up. Since we were talking about a lot of planning, I had to say that that’s one of the detailed things that I’ve been considering. Making sure that I can get everything out of my system when needed to be.

It’s a serious thing though. I find that no matter the type of traveling I’m doing, I’m reflecting whether it’s been the three cross country road trips I’ve taken as you’re about to do again, or it’s long plane flights. I’m used to every year, definitely not 2020, although I did take two flights before COVID. I am planning on going to see my mom at some point, hopefully. For some reason, I end up getting dehydrated. As I mentioned in the other episode, somatically, I carry a lot of stress in my gut and anything that helps me stay regular. Generally, I try and hydrate as much as possible. We’ve mentioned the incredible magnesium supplement from BiOptimizers, which is their Magnesium Breakthrough which I started taking.

I’m taking 2 to 3 capsules before bed. It’s been interesting, unrelated but related because a lack of sleep on a trip can also throw off your cycle. I’ve noticed, Whitney, as an aside with Magnesium Breakthrough since I started taking it that I generally will wake up in the middle of the night, usually two times restless, insomnia, or I’ll get up to pee. I have not got up in the middle of the night. I’ve had a solid sleep straight through the night since I started taking this. So far so good, I’m super stoked about that.

I would say the same thing. That’s something I’m bringing with me, as we’ve talked about in a few episodes. Magnesium is a part of my regimen, especially when I need support with sleep and I’m going to need that on this trip. I took it during my practice camping. I don’t even know what to call it. I camped out in my driveway with my car and I wanted to test out the sleeping situation and all of that. I took the magnesium with me to help me have restful sleep because I knew I would be feeling anxious, restless, and nervous. I’m going to be taking it every day throughout the trip to make sure that I get the best sleep possible. That’s relevant too.

Magnesium also is the mineral that most Americans are deficient and we’ve talked about this in previous episodes. It’s getting that additional heart support, the drop in the cortisol because there’s going to be stressful situations. Not every single road trip goes 100% smoothly the entire time. For you, dear reader, if you want to check out the Magnesium Breakthrough and ConstiCleanse from our wonderful sponsor BiOptimizers, you can go to a special website we have set up and use a coupon code.

That website is BiOptimizers.com/wellevatr. You can use the coupon code WELLEVATR10 and you will get 10% off your entire order. We highly encourage you to check them out. More than anything, Whitney, I would characterize us as life experimentalists. We bring up the idea of being open and experimental with our health and our wellbeing. We try and walk that talk as much as possible. When we find something that works for us, as we’re talking about these great products from BiOptimizers, we like to practice what we preach. When we find something that works that resonates with our body that we see real improvement, we want to pass those resources onto you, dear reader.

I am excited when I do this trip to share all of the amazing resources that I’m going to be coming across or using. I know a lot of them. Having over twenty brands donate their products to me is insane. I’m looking forward to it because it’s going to push me to create a lot of content about this trip. A lot of times, I will either take video footage, take photos and not post them, or it takes me a long time like our road trip from over a year ago that I’m so close to finishing but I didn’t feel any pressure to finish it so I’ve slacked on it. Now I’m going to release it.

MGU 124 | Temporal Nature Of Emotion

Temporal Nature Of Emotion: We don’t know what another person is going through. Having patience and compassion goes a long way for both them and you.

 

Hopefully, by the time you’re reading, I’ve stayed true to my word and release this video because it’s great. It’s a fun video of me and Jason traveling before COVID, being on the road, and all of our amazing experiences. That trip has inspired this upcoming trip for me. I’m interested in the contrast of what I’ll learn from that. I’m going to be going to 1 or 2 of the same Tesla charging stations you and I went to, Jason. That’s very comforting. To your point, there are certainly can be things that don’t go as planned. I’m not trying to go into this expecting that I can plan away the problems, but I will say that our trip in 2019 was smooth. Can you even remember anything that went wrong on that trip? Did we block it out? It was so simple.

This is ridiculously minor. The only thing that comes up was us trying to figure out how to smuggle cans of MAD TASTY, which we’ve mentioned in previous episodes. It’s a functional CBD beverage that we love. We wanted to smuggle some in to the OneRepublic concert at the Red Rocks Amphitheater because we wanted to do some social media posts for them because we love the company. We love Ryan Tedder, Trey, the entire team there. We love their vibe, what they’re doing, and their intention behind the product. There’s a lot of restrictions at Red Rocks and many concert venues as to what you are not allowed to bring in. The entire trip from the bathroom, to charging stops, to food, everything. The only thing that comes to mind was us trying to figure out how to smuggle in cans of MAD TASTY.

There was that which I don’t even see as a problem. I ended up bringing in empty cans because I wanted to do the photoshoot and then realized we could have got away with bringing actual cans of the drink in. It wouldn’t have been worth the risk because if they had caught us, we would have had to bring it all the way back or empty. It all worked out for the best plus, we were trying to get closer seats to the stage and that didn’t work out. That was a minor thing. It was interesting because a few months later we saw OneRepublic again, which is mentioned in my video on how that trip to Red Rocks led to us in some ways even directly because we met our friend Brett at the Red Rocks concert because I was wearing the MAD TASTY hat.

He’s the one that invited me to that free concert in Joshua Tree. That concert was cool because it was all about inviting your friends. It was called Share The Code. Enterprise sponsored this concert and had a few hundred codes. The way that it worked is you would have to share it with your friends in order for them to see the concert and you could only go if somebody shared it with you. Brett shared it with me and then I shared it with Jason and a few other friends. We made a whole separate trip which eventually turn into a video to see Joshua Tree at a Pappy & Harriet’s. We were in the very front row. It wasn’t that big of a deal that we had to sit so far back at Red Rocks because we did get to see OneRepublic up close and personal and for free a few months later.

That’s a great example of how you never know what’s coming for you, good or bad. That was a magical moment of our trip that we never saw coming. The other obstacle I’m remembering is there’s that one night where you were super tired and you didn’t know if you’re going to be able to finish the drive. It was a huge push and I don’t know why I wasn’t driving. Maybe I was super tired too. I had to cheer you on. We were blasting music. This is also in my video but not detailed. That was tough.

The sad part that I also reflected on a few times was when we went to Moab and took that photoshoot with the stars and then I accidentally deleted almost all those photos. That was such a bummer but then I said to you like, “Why don’t we use this as an excuse to go back and take even better photos?” To be honest, it was more the experience of taking the photos that was cool. The photos themselves weren’t that great because I didn’t know how to take long exposure photos properly. They were all blurry but it’s still sad when you lose something that meant had an emotional attachment like those photos.

I haven’t been sad about that, now I’m sad again.

I remember them so detailed because there was that one I took of you where a rat ran by your foot but you had to hold still. You couldn’t move and I couldn’t move because it was a long exposure. I couldn’t tell you if there is a rodent running by your feet.

I would have given him a pet. I wouldn’t have freaked out. I will be like, “Really? There’s a rat near my feet? Where is he?” Rats are incredible animals. Anyone who’s got a prejudice or judgment against rats, you haven’t spent time with them. My first experience with rats was a girl I was dating in my late teens. Her sister and her brother-in-law had pet rats. I was like, “I cannot believe how loving, attentive, and genius smart these animals are.” Ever since then, I’m like, “Rats are amazing.”

Didn’t we talk about that in the episode with Paul Jarvis? Was it on-air that we talked about or off-air?

It was on-air. It was with Paul because he’s a huge fan of rats and has his logo as a rat. For you, dear reader, if you want to read that blog from a rat fanatic, our dear friend, Paul Jarvis. He’s a great bestselling author and a cybersecurity expert.

What part of what brings me joy too is that there’s unexpected magic. I even hope that there are things I look back on that felt tough at that time but in hindsight added to the experience. The challenge of figuring out how to bring MAD TASTY into Red Rocks was not that big of a deal but the challenge of it was adding to the experience. What was interesting is that’s how we met Brett through me having MAD TASTY. If I hadn’t been wearing the MAD TASTY hat then I wouldn’t have met Brett. He’s such a great guy. Speaking of fanatics, Brett is the most fanatic OneRepublic fan that I’ve ever met. He’s been to over 100 OneRepublic concerts.

He is somebody I instantly connected to. I gave him cans of MAD TASTY which was brand new. It had only been out for a few months and it wasn’t available in Colorado and anywhere outside of Los Angeles. I was given some by the brand. They also gave me some for my upcoming trip but back then, it was hard to get. They gave us this huge case and Brett chased me down and he was like, “Do you happen to have any MAD TASTY on you?” I did. I gave it to him and then he shared his 2 or 3 cans that I gave him with his friend group which are also big OneRepublic fans.

One of them posted their picture of the MAD TASTY in Colorado and then Ryan Tedder shared that photo. He was like, “How did somebody get MAD TASTY in Colorado?” I was like, “That was because of me.” How cool to see that ripple effect? It’s a great example of how these experiences affect other people. This trip is so much about all those magical human moments, connections, how we impact each other’s lives in big and small ways, and how I’ve been blown away by the generosity. Almost to the point that I don’t feel it’s fully hit me, Jason, but I’ve had a couple of moments where I felt almost moved to tears thinking about how generous people can be. Sometimes, we lose sight of that if we don’t have those experiences very often.

I was looking at this box of products one brand sent me and thinking, “I’m incredibly touched that they gave me so much.” It’s not even about how much money it costs or how much they sent, but I will say on a side note that I do plan to do a giveaway of some of these brands. You, the reader, please stay tuned. I hope that we mentioned it on the show but I’ll at least be doing it on my own platforms on Instagram and YouTube. I don’t even know exactly where I’m going to post about it yet but I do intend to do a giveaway because I want to help share the generosity. Generosity can be magnified if you pass it on. Seeing what people will do for you and what people will say yes to is such a beautiful thing.

You don't really know exactly what a stranger is struggling with. Think about that before you judge. Click To Tweet

It does help you deal with the times that people aren’t generous and don’t respond to you quickly or don’t respond to at all like love. When we talked about ghosting, many of us have had experiences with ghosting whether it’s been romantic, friendship, professionally. Also, most of us have been blessed to have the experiences of the opposite when somebody has been an incredible communicator, generous, or going out of their way to be supportive of you. When we talk about being dismissed, there are so many more times, Jason, that I felt supported by people in magnificent ways. I have to keep coming back to that because if we get too focused on what doesn’t work out for us, when things go wrong, or how people have heard us, it can lead to us feeling things like anxiety, depression, hopeless, and cynicism. If I remind myself of all of the things that are working out, going right, and are magical, that’s part of my coping during those times of anxiety like I had.

That’s a beautiful denouement to this show, Whitney. On that note, it’s time to examine. Do you have any Frequently Asked Queries or any additional brand shout outs for this episode?

I do. I wasn’t intending on it because it takes a little work and I was feeling overwhelmed. I’m thinking I don’t even know if I have the energy, but I surprised myself and there’s a lot of energy. I almost feel like all I want to do are some funny queries because some of these made me laugh so hard. Since we’ve talked a lot about the stress and the anxiety that comes with planning, what if we focus on some funny lighthearted things that will make us laugh? Even if that wasn’t the person’s intention when they type this into Google, I laughed reading these. I’m going to laugh reading them out loud. Maybe you’ll laugh, Jason, and the reader will laugh. We can pass on some joy to others especially if anyone started reading because they’ve been feeling anxiety.

Dear reader, if it’s your first time or you’re 120 millionth time, it’s time Frequently Asked Queries. Search terms, phrases, and words that people put on the internet in the Google search that come up and trying to find our show. We’ll let you decide what they are. Whitney hit it.

Number one, does matcha make you poop?

Caffeine in higher concentrations can definitely move the bowels, for sure. I’ve noticed though that it’s got to be higher levels of caffeine. Since matcha doesn’t have quite the level of caffeine that coffee does, you’ll have to drink a higher volume of matcha to get the laxative effect whereas coffee has a higher concentration as does Guadiana. There are other foods that have higher levels of caffeine that will make you poop quicker. If you drink enough matcha, yes, matcha can help you poop.

That one not only made me laugh reading but it tied into our conversation about constipation. I don’t intend on having matcha during this trip. I’m going to be drinking coffee. I have some beverages from Celsius which make these incredible energizing drinks made with green tea. I’ll be also bringing some green tea from our friends at Pique Tea. They make a matcha that I have not tried yet that I want to. If you’ve been looking for high-quality matcha, check out Pique Tea. I can’t remember off the top of my head but we have an ongoing discount code of at least 5% for them.

That’s another reason to go to our website because you might get discount codes like we have for BiOptimizers, ConstiCleanse and Magnesium. We’ll also put in for Pique Tea because we do have one. Long story short, I do not plan on eating or drinking I should say matcha but I will have some other things that might make me poop along the way because of the caffeine content. Next up for Frequently Asked Queries. This one is funny but also, I’m curious what your answer is to this one, Jason. It’s a little interesting. Why do cats react to butt scratch?

I love this so much. Not every cat does, first and foremost. I’ve had cats my entire life as Jason Wrobel. I’ve noticed that all of the cats that I have had guardianship over have enjoyed the butt hits. I call them but hits. I spank and then I scratch but I’ve met cats that haven’t. That is interesting. Let’s get the answers. “Your cats ‘elevator butt’ is a real thing. It’s the highest compliment your pet can give you.” This is an article on WomansWorld.com. Have you ever wondered why cats lift their butts when you scratch them or pet them? This is informally known as a phenomenon called Elevator Butt.

“Elevator butt could be a sign for a female cat that she’s ready to mate. The proper name for this stance is Lordosis and cats adopt this position when they’re in heat.” That’s a little creepy. “Apparently, the instinct to adopt the elevator butt pose is ingrained in a cat from birth. When your cats were weaned little kittens, they had to lift their butts in the air so mom could clean them. As a result, they reflexively stick their butt in the air when you pat them in that area. Felines also transfer they’re sent via their anal glands so when they raise their tush, they’re inviting you to verify that you’re a member of their family and to swap scents with them. As gross as that sounds, it’s psychologically one of the highest honors a cat can be stow on its doting owner.” There you go.

I have been laughing the entire time. I was enjoying that description, Jason. I did not know about the term elevator butt but you could use that more frequently. That’s funny. Which of your cats, Jason, does the elevator butt lift the most often?

I would say that’s Linky. I do have an accompanying song that I made from my youth to describe the elevator butt because my mother’s cat, Kika is a world champion elevator butt. That girl will do an elevator butt at the drop of a dime and it goes “Elevator butt, elevator butt.” That’s my elevator butt song. You’re welcome.

Do you know of the term elevator butt?

I’ve been talking about elevator butts since the ‘80s.

The perfect segue into our final Frequently Asked Query. I don’t know if frequently asked is the correct term. I want to keep it but I don’t know how many of these terms people ask that frequently. A lot of these are one and done. They’re very unique queries but Jason, I have a request for you to make another song on the spot because somebody typed in the term “Food is my best friend song.” I would love for you to make a song about food being your best friend.

“Food, you’re always there for me. Food, when I’m in a bad mood, you don’t come and lift me. You’re always there, you never stare, at by quarantine hair. I want to take you there. Food, you’re my bestie. Food, they better never arrest them. Food, I love you.”

I love it when you make up songs on this spot. It was an impressive quality of yours, Jason. I enjoy it very much even when it’s goofy but I make up songs too. I don’t usually feel comfortable sharing them. I don’t know if I would ever do that on the show. Thank you also for being a little bit more courageous and extroverted. That’s part of how we complement each other. There’s so much more to say but we have one more episode before I leave on the trip. Perhaps, we will continue this conversation then but if not, stay tuned because we will be doing a big episode or two summarizing my trip plus, I will be doing lots of content around it.

I will link to that so that you can easily find it. You can see my adventures and sadly. This episode is coming out after my trip. If you didn’t know about it and you feel like you missed out on all of it, I’ll do my best to encapsulate it so if you didn’t see it, you can look at it all afterwards. I don’t want you to miss out on anything fun. Thank you so much for reading this blog and seeing what we’ve had to say about planning, anxiety, and unexpected delights, unexpected challenges, and suffering. Thank you, Jason, for making up songs, for sharing old songs, for educating us on elevator butt, matcha poop, and all the other lovely things that you’ve shared during this episode.

It’s my pleasure, Whitney. For you, dear reader, thank you as always. If it’s your first time, thank you for getting uncomfortable with us here on the show. To wrap up, for all of the resources we mentioned here, the articles, any of the wonderful products that we would love for you to experience, you can go to our website Wellevatr.com. Thanks to our amazing sponsor, BiOptimizers for their ConstiCleanse. They’re awesome magnesium products. They’re wonderful enzymes which I’m going to talk about on the next episode, how I’ve been using their enzymes with my gout recovery. If you want to take advantage of our coupon code, go to BiOptimizers.com/wellevatr. When you’re there, use the coupon code WELLEVATR10 and you can save a little chunk of money on their great products. Until next time, thanks for being with us and we’ll catch you with another episode soon.

Important Links:

*We use affiliate links in our show notes. This means we receive a small sales commission if you purchase an item based on our recommendation. 

Love the show? Subscribe, rate, review, and share!

Join the This Might Get Uncomfortable community today: